10 Things I Hate About Adoption

I purposed the question "What Do You Hate About Adoption?" on my Facebook, Twitter, and Which Way Is Home page today for prospective adoptive families and those that research the effects of adoption to gain a better understand on how adoptees feel.


Below are the responses from adoptees of all demographics:

1. It causes insanity in the adoptee. It causes traumatic separation anxiety at birth which affects the entire nervous system ...then develops into a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). And because it takes so long for an adoptee to realize the true causes of their anxiety and depression...Nancy Verrier (author of Primal Wound) says that adoptees she works with come to realize this at 30 years of age...by then it's almost too late.

2. All the lies and secrets

3. Because I am forever treated like a child in the eyes of the law.

4. Because people repeatedly feel that is it okay to invalidate my experiences because they know someone else that is adopted.

5. Because I am treated like a criminal for wanting the truth about my origins.

6. Because people feel that raising a child means owning a child.

7. Because it took me 23 years to come out of Stockholm Syndrome.

8. It robbed me of knowing my sisters.

9. I could not do a biological genealogy until I was 63 years old.

10. It is a convenient way for those that have position of control to be deceptive for their own personal gain.

11. I am my birth mom's dirty little secret.

12. Shame, grief, and health problems.

13. I had to waste 40 years of my life searching for my biological mother and father

14. Because it is me against the world. The pain never goes away.

15. It's not fair rather seriously, the pain never goes away.

16. It's traumatic.

17. It left me with a hole inside and searching for faces in crowds.

18. Money is the primary goal of adoption, not the best interest of the child.

19. Because I don't trust people or allow them to love me.

20. Trauma from adoption made me lost my brother.

21. Lies and secrets.

22. I was neglected by the family that adopted me.

23. It is all about the money. How could you put a price on a child?

24. Closed adoption forces you to live a life full of secrecy and lies. After finding my birth mother, I found that some of the things I was told were lies. She isn't college educated or made honors in high school. She was a high school drop out with little education.

25. Agencies lies about the birth family to make the sale item, the adoptee, look better.

26. You don't always bond with your adoptive family.

27. Adoption has no guarantee that the family that adopts you will be better, sometimes just different.

28. Lies, secrecy, hurt.

29. I dislike not knowing who I am my whole life.

30. One of these kids is not like the other, one of these kids is just isn't the same...regardless how much I am loved or love; even in a room of others "like me"; even after finding getting to know, and like/loving family of origin ...always the other...making piece is a daily chore.

31. I was never accepted by my siblings. They made me feel like an outcast.

32. The way people will stare in the store because I did not look like my family.

33. As an adoption social worker, I hate adoption because it is not he solution it is portrayed to be. It is not perfect. The social workers, the lawyers, the judges, and the families are not perfect. The child's well being in the adoptive home is not guaranteed. It does not understand time. The time the child had with their first family, and as their first self, is erased; the time they spend with their adoptive family is unclear; and the time they have lost is gone forever.

34. I hate adoption because it makes the child a $$$ sign.

35. I hate adoption because it is unfair. I did not have a say in my adoption. I did not understand my adoption. My childhood, my adolescence, my young adulthood, everything about my life is the way it is BECAUSE I was adopted.

36. My fate was controlled by circumstances before I was born and decision made by people who did not know me.

37. I hate adoption because it prohibits me from having answers.

38. It deprives me of my full identity.

39. It conceals the truth.

40. It leaves me forever unsettled, forever wondering "what-if", and forever feeling incomplete.

41. Each step of the way causes joy and happiness and also pain. The termination of parental rights, the finalization of the adoption, the search for the biological family, the finding or inability to find, the reunion, and the future. Each step hurts hurts someone and makes someone unhappy.

42. I hate adoption because it is bittersweet.

43. The most hurt and pain I have experienced in my 37 years of life have to do with being adopted and my adoption journey. I dislike adoption because my right to know my background and who I am was just taken from me. A lifetime of not knowing who I was, or where I came from caused me a huge amount of pain over the years. Just now at 37 years old I am able to begin to start to know myself, because my puzzle is finally complete. 

44. What about the adoptees that never find their biological family?  With closed adoptions, I think things are so different than they are with open/semi open adoptions.


45.  I acted out as a teenager something horrible because I was in so much pain and had no one to talk too. I never had a sense of who I was, and I was never going too until I found my roots.


46.  I began my search at 21 when my adopted parents told me they knew my birth mothers name. I fantasized my whole life about my birth mother, and had high hopes that she would be searching for me like I was her. It has caused me heart wrenching pain since I found her, because she rejected me to the fullest. I was not prepared for this or the feelings to go along with it.


47.  I realize that many birth mothers might not understand, and maybe even some other adoptee’s but I wish I was never adopted. If there was anything I could change about my life that would be it.


48. I dislike adoption. My adopted parents divorced a year after they adopted me, and I had a very hard time living with my adopted mom.  We never got along and still don’t. A step brother molested me as a child, and I grew up angry.


Did I say 10? 


The purpose of the post was not created or written in a negative manner. It was created for educational purposes. To the bridge the gap of the misunderstanding that surrounds adoption. Due to laws in place, adoptees in closed adoptions do not have a right to their identity, the truth, the past, medical history that can save their life, etc. due to closed adoption. Prospective adoptive parents should take a course learning about the needs of adoptees. The only way we will begin to ever be satisfied is when we have a voice . Adoption gives everyone a voice except the most important person....ME, the adoptee. 


Thank you to everyone that submitted their comments! Keep rocking rock stars! 


P.S If you would like to add to the list, please submit your response in the comment box and I will update the blog post with your comment.

Bobbi Kristina Rumored In a Romantic Relationship With Adopted Brother Nick Gordon

In E News today, featured Bobbi Kristina, the daughter of the late Whitney Houston alleging that she may may be in a romantic relationship with her adopted brother Nick Gordon. Read more about it on E Online.

My response:

Let's be real E! I just had this conversation about the Chris Brown and Rhianna situation. The media has a way of killing people. LITERALLY. I have worked in the entertainment business for the past 10 years and have worked and maintained close relationships with many celebs and athletes. Most of you may not know; however, the majority of them are seeing psychologist and psychiatrist to cope with the crap people are saying. Since most people seem to be oblivious to how news works let me inform you....

It's is the job of writers, authors, journalist, and news reporters to create newsworthy articles and media segments. And since the only thing people like to see is scandals, lies, deceit, deception, break-ups, drug and physical abuse that is what sells. Oh yea, there is such a popular program known as Photoshop that has the ability to create black eyes, red eyes, shrink your body, increase your weight size, etc. Therefore, before you begin to jump to conclusion and waste your hard earn money on these magazines, just know the majority is a fraud. Society is only going to pay to read negative stories. Sad. Most people want to swim in the lives of others and pass judgment as if you could swim in the depths of their ocean. They are human just like you and me. They deserve the respect you would want in your life. You do not know them personally to know what they are going through. Consumers and gossipers should be the ones to blame for the death and drug abuse of many celebrities.

Now back to Bobbi Kristina and Nick Gordon...

After everything this girl has been through with the recent death of her mom Whitney Houston and rumored drug abuse, the media stoops so low to allege that she has something going on with her adopted brother?! Not long before everyone in the news was "concerned" whether she would turn to drugs to cope with her problems. Well do you know that it is news like this that stoops that low that can drive someone off the edge to commit suicide, hit that line of cocaine that will kill them, overdose on pills, kill someone else after drinking and driving to calm the storms they are suffering from? It is time we let this woman grieve and be at peace with herself and her family. Let her and all the others heal from the pain they have to endure being in the limelight.

My message to those that read this...

Do not be the reason someone has to check in  rehab, do not be the reason why a young person take their own life, do not be the reason why a young person turns to drugs. The media will make up ANYTHING to gain readers and might I add, KEEP THEIR JOB. We live in a sick world where people have desensitized themselves from even thinking they can be inflicting harm on someone. Just plain sick.

Praying for Bobbi Kristina. No weapons formed against you shall prosper.

What are your thoughts?

Top 5 Things You Should Never Say or Do to an Adoptee

Rule #1: Never abandon, break up, or reject an adoptee with no explanation (ex. relationships, friendships, love)


Rule# 2 Never tell an adoptee "You should be thankful...". You have no idea what some adoptees have experienced


Rule #3 Never tell an adoptee "At least you weren't aborted...you had a chance to live"


Rule #4 Never think just because a child was adopted that they had a better life.


Rule #5 Never tell an adoptee how they should feel about being adopted. Everyone has a unique journey.  


Have any more rules to add? Please post in the comment area. I would love to read and share them. 

Orthodontics and Adoption

Orthodontics and Adoption? Who would have thought.

Physically and emotionally I was being straightened out by my new orthodontist, Dr. Lucie Casthely. After she examined my teeth and brought me into her office to discuss a treatment plan, I really began to open up to her about me personally and the work that I do with adoption and foster care. The next thing I knew I was telling her about my journey as a child, leaving home when I was 14 years old, losing my way down the wrong streets, and ultimately managing to still earn a four year scholarship to college. I was happy to be able to share with her my feelings and perspective on adoption. The funny thing is, at a point in our conversation I caught myself speaking so fast all I could think was "oh my gosh why am I pouring my whole story on this poor woman" after all she is going to be stuck with me for about 10 months, the duration of my treatment plan. 

Now, if you keep up with adoptees on these social networks nowadays, you will often hear of how we sometimes just get to talking too much. Sometimes we just need someone to listen to us. I have to laugh at myself at times for it. However, today Dr. Lucie Casthely not only gave me a treatment plan for my braces, she also straightened my mind out in regards to my journey back home to meet my biological family and fill in the gaps (and I don't mean my teeth). I really have not made much contact with my siblings in awhile, yet today I was reminded how much the fear has been sitting on my heart lately.

I will have to call this day a divine meeting. I always say God has a way of doing things. My appointment was so timely and Dr. Lucie Casthely was not only a great orthodontist, she was a great counselor. 

Adoption Reunion and Social Media

I know that it can seem like your search for your biological family is taking you in circles and finding out the truth is far from a reality. You must remember, between two and four percent of all adoptees are searching for their families (Adoption Congress, 1996). In a survey conducted in the late 1980's estimated that 500,000 adult adoptees were seeking or have found their birth families (Groza and Rosenburg, 1998). Now if those stats are in the 90's at a time where social media was just beginning to hit mainstream, take a step further and think about how many people are now on Facebook around the world, the Twitter hype, and the thousands of adoptee/adoption blogs that are popping up everywhere.

IT'S NO SECRETS FOLKS YOUR FAMILY COULD BE ONE CLICK AWAY

At the end of the day, if you want to locate your biological family or sibling you have to put in WORK! Therefore, now is the time to put down those fashion magazines, books, video games, matter of fact STOP everything you are doing and begin to gather all the information you know about your adoption. Build up that courage to talk to your adoptive parent(s) and get as much info as possible. You never know what they know; you just might be surprised. Now that you have gathered all the information, it is time to grab a coffee (or whatever relaxes you) because it is going to be a long night! GOOGLE GOOGLE GOOGLE it is going to be your best friend. Everything you know you must put it in the search box. This is where you will gather leads to your adoption search. Hey, you don't have to believe me, but as you see my family found me. I am willing to bet you will get one step closer the more you work. 

Of course you are going to run into many false leads, and around the way you might feel you are 100% sure that found your family and could possibly be wrong about it. But hey, it is not the end of the world! This is what is going to make you stronger. This is what your journey is going to be all about. I am willing to bet that you will learn so much about yourself that it will take you through every circumstance in your life reminding you that you are stronger than you know. I believe in you!

Don't you ever give up! Your family is out there. 

Question is...are you going to do something about this time? 

Love,

Adoptees and Counseling

Source: Adopted The Comic

Being adopted as we know, brings about many emotions that are often left neglected or repressed. The consequences to both lead to social problems, psychological problems, and difficulty adapting to many situations throughout an adoptees journey.

 Ever considered counseling? I have.

There is nothing wrong with seeking professionals who want to help you sort out your feelings. I grew up in an out of counseling. In the beginning, it did not work for me because I never gave them a chance to know what was going on in my life personally. As I got older and sick of dealing with issues in my personal life I gave in and opened up to my therapist. The truth is, many therapist or people in the psychology/social work field have had their share of issues growing up. Many of them chose their profession as a way to give back and ensure that every child/teen/adult will be understood and heard. That's love when you follow your destiny and purpose.  

I co-sign therapy just to keep it real.

As I enter the next phase of my journey, reuniting with my family, I am about to begin counseling again. I know I cannot do this on my own, and I have pondered this for awhile. I want to be the best person I can be, but it begins with finding out who I am, what I want, and recovering from the past.

I know it is not comfortable or easy being able to open up to strangers, or you might think that no one will understand your feelings, what you have been through, or perhaps you might be embarrassed to share about somethings that happened to you on your journey. However, you are not alone. Someone out there wants to help you and is waiting for you to reach out. Let someone be there for you today.

I BELIEVE IN YOU!

Love,

Muzik's Thoughts: Will "Intrinzik" Glass

If you missed out on last night's show on A New Generation of Adoptees Blogtalkradio, they featured hip-hop rapper Will Glass A.K.A Intrinzik, you missed out on HOPE, INSPIRATION, GREAT MUSIC KNOWLEDGE, POSITIVE SOUND CHECK, and much more! Guess what, he is that great that you STILL have the opportunity to catch the show by clicking here.

Intrinzik shared his journey on being adopted, his search and reunion, and how his musical interest and talent traced back to his biological father that is also a singer, writer, and drummer like Intrinzik. Makes you think huh?

If you did not have the chance to listen to Intrinzik, he has this awesome song, Kidnapped. This was the first song that he wrote that really expressed his feelings about life. His anger and lack of understanding towards not knowing why he was placed for adoption. He wrote it in hopes that his mom would one day hear the song and know how he really felt about being placed for adoption. He mentions his birthday and year in the song with an expectation that a birth mother, his mother, would be able to hear it and say to themselves, "Hey, I had a child on that day, that's my son". It brought me back to the day that I began The Not So Secret Life of an Adoptee. It's our way as adoptees of being indirect and direct about our feelings toward being placed for adoption or being abandoned. That's the great thing about the arts. The freedom of expression is powerful, not to mention it's easier to sing or rap your feelings that run deep like DNA, rather then tell to tell someone to their face and risking how they may respond or react to your emotions that you are 100 percent entitled to.

It was great hearing such a positive message from Intrinzik about his journey. Many adoptees are currently searching for their family and answers with no one to turn to that will understand them or comprehend the emotions that surround being adopted and wanting to search for their family. Tune into the interview and hear about his journey and the positive advice that he has to offer to adoptees that are searching and those that are in the process of healing. It truly has inspired me and I co-sign his work and his message! PEACE! 

Intrinzik's Twitter

Mic check this interview!

I don't want to discover that I was a mistake or a product of a one night stand  or statutory rape. Dont get me wrong I was thankful for the life I was given. -Intrinzik

Love,

Tune in Tonight: Hip-Hop & Rock-n-Roll Artist, Will Glass

Will Glass A.K.A "Intrinzik" an adoptee and hip hop artist born in Long Island, NY will be featured tonight on A New Generation of Adoptees tonight at 6pm EST. He will be sharing about his journey as an adoptee and how he met his biological family that shared the same musical interest and talent as him. Read more about Intrinzik in the Phoenix NewTimes Blog.

Talk to Intrinzik Here



Stay tuned on the recap of the show tomorrow right here on The Not So Secret Life of an Adoptee

Hello, When Life Calls

Someone please call 911. I just think I been shot down by bullet to my heart and it's piercing through my soul...(Lyrics to popular song 911 by Wyclef Jean ft. Mary J. Blige)

My adoptive family hosted their 2nd conference call last night, as they begin to put together a family reunion to bring me back home to Puerto Rico in August for my birthday. They are expecting approximately 300+ family memebers to attend this reunion. YIKES! Talk about shaking in my boots. I come from a family of three. As you can see this is going to be quite an intersting time. I have mentally been trying to prepare for this reunion since I was told in form of a joke that if my biological family would ever host a family reunion they would have to rent out Yankee Stadium.

I logged onto Facebook last night and noticed my biological family was having a conference call. I was nervous to call in the line, but I wanted to hear what they were talking about. I almost wished they did not know I was on the line, but I had to announce myself after the chime. I know my biological family was surprised I was on the line. However, they were so kind and welcoming. Oh yes, I cannot fail to mention how FUN-KNEE they are! I have to admit though, as soon as their voices began to resonate the truth begin to sit in again. I am adopted. I wanted to hang up the phone immediately. My eyes began to fill up with tears and thoughts began to race through my mind. I needed help! But I knew that no 9-1-1 call could help this heart. The pain of the realization of what is about to take place this August was piercing my soul....

Although it hurts to think that I was given up and adopted, I have to be strong through this process. I know I have a family that loves me very much and wants to meet me. I walk this journey by faith. One step at a time. One prayer at a time. God is my compass. He will light up the way for me.

I welcome your comments and words of encouragement.

Thank you,

Finding Yourself

Being adopted most often leads to the number one question, "Who am I'? 

This perhaps is the number one reason why adoptees search for their way back home. How will we ever know who we are when we do not even know where we come from. This is what adoptive parents do not understand. Yes we love you, yes we are thankful for what you have done for us, and yes we will always see you as our mom and dad, but the truth is I still do not know who I am. I need to know my heritage, my culture, and my roots. Most of all, deep inside I yearn to know what could have been. 

Not knowing who we are leads to challenges in our futures. And sometimes they may develop into behavioral issues. We are challenged by our peers, our siblings that may not be adopted, and strangers. Imagine being in a grocery store checking out with your adopted child that looks nothing like you, and the women behind you in the checkout asks about your children. This is the time that us adoptees ears perk up and alarms start going off; we are reminded once again that we are different. It is a feeling that we do not belong and will never belong. Yes, you can argue that it does not matter what people think, but in our mind it does. All we want is to fit in so badly. We do not want to be different all the time. 

Therefore, if it eases the pain for us, please do us this favor and let us find our way back home. Even if it is just to see what it may look like or feel like. And please be there for us when we come back. You have no idea how hard it is for us to even make that first step with courage. We go into the search with blind eyes, but with vision of happiness. Happiness that is not always guaranteed; therefore, we need your comfort. We need the same love to prevail whether things turn out positively or negatively. Please do not hold us back from finding ourselves. Perhaps this may help you find you too. 

We never know how strong we are until we are challenged from the heart...

I Am Adopted: The Gift of Hope Part 2

Thank you for watching friends and fam. Please share this video with others as we work together to inspire and motivate adoptees and foster youth and adults. Please feel free to comment.

Click here to watch The Gift of Hope Part 1, My Family Found Me

                      NEVER GIVE UP! 

The Mirror Never Lies

For Christmas I received a photo of my birth mom standing in front of a Christmas tree in her younger days. I stared at my biological mom in this pic like this can't possibly be real! I seen a recent pic of her, but this was different. I look just like her; it's unreal. Every time I look at it I want to cry. I've spent so much time wondering what this lady was going to look like. Perhaps it's part of the reason I was dying to know who my momma was. I remember growing up looking at mothers and daughters and thinking in amazement how strong genes are. I could only imagine what traits I took from my mom at the time. My siblings and cousins say I look just like her and sound just like her out of all her 6 kids. How ironic, the one that resembles her the most is the one she left behind. I wonder what she is thinking looking at my pics today. I can't wait when I see her face to face and take a pic next to her. Im sure my nose will be stuck on the picture turning it at every angle studying the similarities. Let's just say, this is a very interesting time....

Love,
Muzik

Once Was Lost, Now I'm Found

Now that the secret is out, I want to hide somewhere in a tree or go away on a far away vacation to deal with my emotions.

Since announcing Christmas Day that my family found me, I have received many messages from my supporters and my biological family. I am very overwhelmed as I knew I would be, just as I was the first day I heard from them. Let's face it, there is no way to fully be prepared for this moment. I appreciate the love I have been receiving from my family, but the feeling that I am like or was a big secret, or the new surprise makes me feel a bit not human. I feel some time of way. Imagine someone hiding you somewhere for years and then they take you out to show the world. As I mentioned in the video I have a really big beautiful family, but when I made my announcement yesterday I was inundated with so many friend request from family members I never new about. I just can't see to fathom how I will get to know everyone. I know it is like any other situation, "one day at a time". However, when this is something you have been waiting all of your life for you want the answers now. You want everything to magically fall into place. I guess I pictured my reunion to be a fairy tale story, not to say it isn't. But this is more difficult than I ever imagined. All these people want to talk, meet me, and get to know me. I kind of feel important, not like Obama or anything (laughs) just important. I want to be there for them as they have expressed the same for me. However, I learned while I was in Seattle at the AFAAD gathering how important it is to practice self-care as we cope with being adopted and beong "found". I have no idea where I would be without my AFAAD family. In the coming weeks I will share more about my experience in Seattle. It was a powerful day I will aways remember.

I really just wanted to thank you all for being there for me. When I first found out about my family finding me  I documented everything on videos and recorded calls that I will later share with you all. It is important to me to share with you all that are adopted and coping with the similar issues or know someone that is in hopes to help someone get through this very difficult emotional process. As I encourage you, I encourage myself to get through this time. I don't have all the answers right now, but I believe when the time is right I will be at peace. Be strong and never give up hope.

Stay tuned for the Which Way Is Home Tour  in the next couple months as I travel to meet my family state to state and then to Puerto Rico. I am thankful to not have to go through this alone, and know that my supporters are right here with me. Just for the record, my thoughts are not meant to ever offend anyone. These post are my thoughts as a real life adoptee. No secrets. I am very thankful for the gift I have been blessed with, and even though I am overwhelmed it does not mean I do not want to hear from you. Your love, words, and thoughts keep me going. Thank you again.

P.S Pardon my absence here and there. I may need some time...

Love,
Muzik

For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in -Psalm 27:10 

Merry Christmas: The Gift of Hope

Thank you all for supporting me. I love you all for inspiring me to continue to reach others with The Not So Secret Life of an Adoptee. Merry Christmas to you all; I bring to you The Gift of Hope.

Love,


Muzik

O Holy Night

I suffer every year at this time as many adoptees and foster care kids do. We are just a couple days away from Christmas day, a day where families gather, laugh, exchange gifts, profess love and forgiveness.

This song I placed above, "Oh Holy Night" by Christina Aguilera kills me every season. I don't know exactly what it is, but I can promise you the minute the song comes on I am in tears wherever I am. I remember back in the days I worked at Sams Club; I was a merchandiser for a brief period. During the holidays I had to assemble Christmas trees, nativity sets, and inflate snowmen. Down the aisle we had Christmas music playing, and what do you know, Oh Holy Night played like a broken record. I would cry every time. I mean, thank God I went to work at 4am; therefore, there weren't any customers in the building. When no one was around, I would torture myself by walking up the couple aisles and imagine what Christmas would be like if I would have stayed in New York with my biological family. I would sometimes stare at the nativity sets and look at Baby Jesus laying in the manger. Don't think I am crazy, but sometimes I kinda felt like I was Baby Jesus in the manger in my mind. Even though Jesus was not alone in the manger, I felt like I was abandoned and left in the manger and people were just looking at me. Nativity sets really get to me. I cannot look at one without breaking down. My adoptive mom used to collect them. I hated them! It hurts me to see all those figurines surrounded around Baby Jesus. It reminded me of family. Family that I did not have at the time (I am working on it right now). But this song reminds me of the importance of being born. I wonder what my mom thought when I was born. Was it a time of sadness or was it something divine. Were the stars shining bright? Or was the sky dark? I wonder what God was thinking of my mom (I begin to cry). All I can think is "how could she...". How could she just leave me without even knowing if I was going to be okay. It hurts. Births are a day of celebration, and here I am a baby without a chance to show my mom what I could have been if only she gave me a chance to be someone great. 

As much as it hurts to think of my biological family and my adoption, this year I am comforted by God's peace. Since March I have been focusing on God, my life, my goals, my future, and creating peace through the circumstances I cannot change. God, my Father, the Man that never left me has freed me from my past and pain. I said things would be different this year for myself, a vow I made to myself. I am determined to not let anyone or anything steal my God-given joy! So come on Satan come on! The devil is a liar. I am about to show the world what family, peace, and life is all about through my story. 

O Holy Night, Lord I thank you tonight and every night. Jesus, I thank you for dying on the cross for us. We are not perfect, yet you still love us and fight for us. Lord I thank you for being my family when no one was there for me. Lord, I thank you for sending people in my life when I had no place to stay, no food to eat, no clothes. Lord, you know my desires my dreams, I pray in Jesus name you will restore my family, that the anger will cease. Lord I ask in Jesus name that 2012 families will reunite! But most of all, Lord I pray that your healing power heal the hearts of adoptees and fostered youth and adults, that they will find peace and be healed. Lord we trust the struggle you placed on us is for a greater purpose. 

Father, before I go, I thank you for increasing my faith when I wanted to quit and end it all. Your timing is the perfect timing. I thank you for knowing me and keeping me safe from the streets. I love you Jesus!! 

My Father

Amen

Love your daughter,

Jessenia "Muzik" Arias

Please feel free to share this with your friends and loved one

Merry Christmas Eve

Sounds Like An Adoptee To Me

Sounds to me like an adoptee wrote this.

(I decided I would break this down)

I'm afraid of giving up giving in and letting go: Reminds me of an adoptee that is searching or in reunion, and dealing with the emotions of what is to come. Reminds me of an adoptee dealing with rejection.

I'm afraid of the ticking clock passing time and missed opportunities: An adoptee that is searching or in reunion wondering, if I wait too long my biological family may pass away or I might miss a very important event such as a birth, wedding, death, graduation.

I'm afraid of my own emotion unstable as I such a foolish mess: Yep. This has adoptee written all over it. We never know how we may feel when news breaks out. Just the thought of being adopted and someone says the word triggers emotions. How many people have called you emotionally unstable? I've heard many adoptees excuse themselves for talking too much.

I'm afraid of lost control lost insanity and loss of life: Whew! Adopted all over. Thank God I am in a better place today. I used to snap at the drop of a dime, especially when it was something my family would do to me. My biggest fear since knowing I was adopted was my biological mom and dad would be dead.

What are some of the things you think of when you read this?

A Social Network For Adoptees

ATTENTION! ATTENTION! THE TIME HAS COME! LOOK NO FURTHER...

Before you even go any further, take my word and long onto wecommix.com. Okay, welcome back. I had the pleasure of being a part of an interview on a radio show for adoptees with Margret Anderson a Korean adoptee. She is the developer of WeCommix, the social network for adoptees. It's your mix of Facebook slash MySpace created by us for us. Long are the days of thinking we were alone and never meeting an adoptee till your 50 years old. Now it's just a simple click away and you are connected with adoptees from all over the world. 

First thing you would want to do is register and create a profile. In the process you can upload photos, write in about favorite movies and songs, your bio (including your adoption journey), post discussion questions, events, blogs, and much more! It also has an interactive wall like Facebook, that enables you to post a status. After all of your info is uploaded, your next step is to add friends. You can send friend request to members of WeCommix or invite your friends by importing addresses from your email contacts. 

Tell a friend to tell a friend and we can all be friends! See you there! 

Be sure to follow WeCommix on Twitter

As always, thanks for your support. I cosign this movement - Muzik

Forgiving Family

Always be prepared to have bombs dropped on you when you call your adoptive or biological family or visit after it's been some time. 


Yesterday I decided it was time to check up on everyone, and to my surprise (well not really) I was thrown some things from two family members that placed me in two different emotional states. These are both very private issues; therefore, I won't go into detail. 


First bomb: Reminded me to be thankful for everything we have that we always take for granted. I'm talking to you ladies. No matter what happens always remember that beauty comes within. And you are beautiful because God created you that way. Nothing can change or alter that. 


Lord, I wish there was something I could do to make her smile again and get through this....


Second bomb: A situation I have dealt with before in the past, but this time it is different. I will at least say that this about my oldest sister (the one I haven't seen to in almost 15 years and the one that said my biological mom should have left me dead which lead to my first arrest). Yep, that's her. She is always in some sort of mess creating havoc in our family. Heck, she is the reason our family is the way it is today (not to point fingers. My finger is just stuck). I want to help her, but she has so much animosity toward me I could not even bring myself to help her. And you can't help someone that does not want to help themselves. All I could think of as I sat on the couch hearing what was going on was, "Muzik, she is your sister (wait, is she? She said I should be dead)you have to help her. That's what sisters would do". My mind was everywhere. But the truth is, whether she loves me, likes me, wishes me dead, she is my sister in Christ. I have to love her. How will I help her? I don't know yet. I have a lot to think about and I have to some how forget what she said about me years ago when I was arrested and the damage she created between me and my family. But at this point it is not about me anymore. She needs some intervention of some sort. What she is going through is what I help people with all the time, but now it is different because this is personal. I am left to leave this with God, but I am about to jump into some action. 


Pray for me. 


The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.-- Mahatma Gandhi

Dear Mom: I Love You

I didn't get to see my moms today (sad face). However, I made this to reminisce over our mini dates we have shared. This made me smile seeing her face. Last time we linked up she said, " I love spending time with you. You always show me nice things and take me places I would have never went". Y'all ready know, my moms get the best and anything! She never had anything growing up, but today...trust she going to get it all. She is my world. I am about to make her dreams come true. Anything to see her smile.

Love you mommy

Healing: I Love My Mommy

You know, it is so crazy. All I want to do is be with my mommy (for the record: adoptive mom). I think about her all the time, I want to call her all the time, and I get all excited thinking about the possibility of picking her up on Thursdays to chill with me. I just want to be in her presence. I want to see her smile. I want her to tell me stories about her past. I just want to be close to my hero, my mommy. The woman that changed my life. I just want to cry thinking about it. 

I catch myself in my thoughts how close we have become over the past couple of years. I was so angry at her for years due to all the things that have happened on my journey. But as I matured, I found out that life is much too short to hold onto grudges for something petty. This is a life we are talking about. And it's true, "hurting people hurt people". Most of the time is unintentional. Many never know that they are inflicting pain on others because they have not faced the hurt in their life that has consumed them. As I began to experience life I understood that life can make you or break you. It's hard being an adult, especially when you did not have much growing up. Through my hardships growing up I realized that my mom tried to give me her best. We must keep in mind that the definition of "the best" differs from person to person. Those of us that struggle with family or parents need to keep that in mind. During the period of my life when I was on the streets all I wanted was to be back in my mom's arms. I just wanted to feel that sense of security that only she can give me. I knew at that point I needed to restore my relationship with her. 

It took some time to call her up but I did. I was worried how things were going to be between us because I had not seen her in quite some time. But it was almost as if we never separated. Since then I have tried to see her every Thursday and show her how much I love her and care about her. I want to give my mom the world despite what happened in the past. How could I be angry at my mom? We all make mistakes from time to time. Nothing will ever stop me from loving such an amazing strong woman. Man, if I could give her the world at her feet she would have it all! Sometimes I just cry thinking about her. I tried to convince her to sell her house and move in with me. It crazy how I always want my mom around nowadays. She is my heart! 

I just want everyone that is hurting today in your families to have compassion for the hurt that may have been inflicted in your family. Life is hard. We don't make the best or right decisions all the time, but look at your life, we all messed up from time to time and wanted someone to forgive us. Life is so unpredictable, I couldn't bear the thought of anything happened to my mommy. Today I pray for those that need healing and restoration in your families. I pray for adoptees that are in need of healing from the pain of abandonedment. I pray for birth mothers in need of healing for placing their children in adoption. I pray for adoptive parents that are hurting. I have declared over my life that 2012 will be a time of restoration for families all over. Why live in anger for the rest of your life when happiness is one word away? Pick up the phone, write that letter, stop by their house. I know it is hard, but it's time to let it go. 

Love you all for your faith and strength,

Muzik

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds

Psalm 147:3

I Speak: The Power of I AM

This past Saturday, I was booked to speak at the Marriott City Place in West Palm Beach, FL at an event focused on young women hosted by the Elite Bridge Club Career Luncheon. Today I spoke about "The Power of I am". I covered an array of subjects: adoption, sex, drugs, education, overcoming struggles, the entertainment business, how to create success, God, and much more. 


When I speak, I speak to reach at least one person. As I spoke today I watched people shifting in their chairs, I heard the "Amen's, glory to God, and saw the tears in their eyes. But there was this one girl that stood out to me. A young lady with an amazing voice named Maya Knighton. There was something about that young lady's spirit across the room that drew me to her. I told myself after the event I wanted to find her and personally encourage her about her future and to stay focused. I knew she was the young lady that needed to hear me today. Something inside of me tells me she is going to be a success story. I had an opportunity to speak to her and her mom. It meant the world to hear her say what it meant for her to hear me speak. And guess what? She is adopted. I am beginning to believe I have an eye for adoptees.  It was definitely empowering to have the opportunity to sit on a panel with women that have had their own personal struggles, yet they had a dream to succeed and did not allow anything to hold them back. By the end of the event I had many people shaking my hand, encouraging me, asking me for my business card to speak at their event, and wanting to share. I wish I had more time to speak to everyone. However, to see the response from those that had attended reassured me that my voice is highly needed in our communities as well as society. 


I also had the opportunity to personally thank my probation officer I was assigned to as a juvenile publicly after she introduced me in her speech. Everyone deserved to know how much she has inspired my life by believing in me and my future. 


Before I close this:


Never forget the power of "I Am". I am GREAT. I am SUCCESS. I am IMPORTANT. I am BEAUTIFUL. I am THRIVING. We must speak into our life as well as our kids. Success lies in the power of your tongue.


For booking information, please email yourbloodismyblood@yahoo.com 

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Love,

Muzik

What's There to HO HO HO About?

Yep, the holidays are in full swing. Christmas music is bumpin' through every speaker in town, decorations paint the city, and people are jingling bells like the energizer bunny gone crazy. For some this is pure bliss. For others, it is a time of reflection and depression. 

For most, the holidays are known to bring cheer and joy. People are constantly ringing bells and decking halls all over the place. But to adoptees and fostered youth and adults, this holiday is a stocking full of coal, a Christmas tree with no lights or gifts, and an army of Grinch's. This season many adoptees and foster youth and adults won't have a family to celebrate with due to never being adopted, broken relationships, and confusion (I'll explain in the latter). 

Just to be clear: Just because a person was adopted, it does not mean that they have a family. Some adoptions don't pan out as the American dream family. To be real, some people are sick and exploit adoptees, hence adoptees running away and never returning home leaving them without a family this Christmas. 

Then, we have adoptees  that are adopted and are searching for their families harboring unexplainable emotions. Adoptees have to deal with celebrating with their adoptive family and pondering if their biological family is thinking of them at a time when families gather. 

Lastly, we have another group of adoptees that are a torn between the two. These are adoptees that are in reunion with their biological family. These adoptees have to choose where they will celebrate Christmas. Will it be with their adoptive family or will it beeeee with their biological family? You want to talk about conflict arising! WHEW! It can get real nasty in the end. I hear from adoptees all the time around this season that are so confused as to which family they should want to celebrate with. Many adoptees that are fresh in reunion want to spend it with their biological family, but the havoc they get from their adoptive family is a nightmare. Most adoptive families will support the thought of their child spending part of the holidays with their biological family, but not on CHRISTMAS DAY. It can be heart breaking to have to choose between the two. In fact I don't understand why an adoptive family would make their child choose. Ugh. 

To those that read this post: my heart goes out to you if you are struggling with the holiday season. I know it's hard. The music drives me ba-zerkkk to be honest. It brings all these memories back and tears start streaming down my face. But I want to remind you how strong you are. Look how far you have come. If it helps you this holiday season if you are alone, volunteer at a shelter or a soup kitchen. There is no better feeling than giving back. I have had to do it a couple time to get through. There are so many people that are alone and could use a person as special as you! 

Love,

Muzik

I Won! Adoption Blogger Interview Project

Special thanks to Heather, blog author of Production Not Reproduction for hosting the Adoption Blogger Interview Project 2011. As a participant and showin' love for this awesome project, I won a gift certificate to cop me a pair of TOMS! As the winner, I had options to have a certificate to different stores; however, once I saw that TOMS was on the list I had to pick that option. I mean let's be real who wouldn't want a pair of the most trendsetting, funky, and way to give back shoes? Not only that, the Adoption Project was a way to give back to all members of the adoption triad. This was overall the best way to bring National Adoption Awareness Month to a close, although we know that our work does not end here. Thank you again Heather for your great work on this project. Much love to you!

Click to read my interview on Jay: Adoption Blogger Interview 2011 

Click to read more about TOMS shoes for every shoe purchase, TOMS  will give a new pair of shoes to a child in need. 

I haven't decided on which color I am going to get; however stay tuned for my pic when my shoes arrive! 

Love ya!

Muzik

Nightmare on Muzik Street

I will always sleep as a child.

Last night I was awakened in the middle of the night by a horrible nightmare. Anyone that knows me knows that this is nothing new to me. I have been having nightmares since I could remember. I was never that child that dreamed of unicorns and rainbows with pots of gold. I remember as a kid, my mom having people from our church come to our house to pray over me while I slept. Pretty crazy huh? 

My dream last night began with teens teasing me because I looked different and did not belong. It was almost as if I had a t-shirt that was labeled "I AM ADOPTED"; how did they know? I was running around frantically trying to escape the ridicule and figure out how everyone knew I was adopted. I remember screaming and crying up and down streets and people calling me names like "martian, alien, orphan, etc". I ran into the next part of my dream. This part I remember very vividly, my siblings were present in the house and the ground started shaking almost like an earthquake. The roof was coming down and my mom was screaming for me to keep my hands up so the roof would not collapse. Before I knew it I was seeing the neighbors running around. There was no longer a roof or walls in need of holding up. My house was no longer a home. It was broken. I screamed for my mom to help me and comfort my fears but I could not find her. I ran around the rubble and spotted her with my other two sisters trying to escape. I ran as fast as I could to catch up while screaming "Mom....Mommmmm esperame (wait for me)". My mom looked back, paused, while my sisters pulled her to continue running and leave me behind. I kept screaming "Don't leave me mama, don't leave"! The hurricane winds kept blowing debris everywhere as the ground shook. At that moment I felt I was going to die alone, with no family, and no one to save me. I could hear my oldest sister laughing hysterically that I was going to be left to die. 

Thank you God! I woke up immediately after that part and began to pray to God to bring peace over my mind and my heart. I have been struggling with the emotions and history I have with my adoptive sisters, especially the oldest one. She hates my guts and always has. I still pray for her though everyday. The dream reminded me of the storms my family and I have had to endure. When the house collapsed it reminded me of how broken we are as a family, and my mom lives in a house and not a home. The most critical part of my dream was when my mom paused after I screamed for her to wait for me to catch up, while my sister pulled her to continue to run. It reminded me of the hundred's of times my mom had been stuck in the middle of my arguments with my sisters. As I have mentioned my mom has always thought I was strong enough to deal with them and how they treat me. My biggest fear was that my mom was going to leave me out in that storm because she thought I would once again survive yet another storm in my life....

Thank you God for keeping me safe in your arms.

Love,

Muzik

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Turkey For Lunch Turkey For Dinner

Happy Thanksgiving to you all, although Thanksgiving is an everyday to me. Hence why I always blog the day after these 'so-called' holidays. Everyone that knows me knows I am MIA every holiday. I understand the hype of celebrating, I just wish we did not wait till that one day of the year to gather with family, cook, share stories, pray, and most of all GIVE THANKS. 

So. Let me tell you share with you about my Thanksgiving....

I decided not to do any work for Thanksgiving. Instead, I decided to do what I always try to do and gather my family together for a meal and give thanks. Since that's what the rest of America seems to do. Such a shame we need a holiday to do this. Okay. So my mom calls and she tells me she cannot make it because she has to work. This is on Tuesday. I said, "Ma, you don't work on Thursdays. She replies, "Yo se" (I know). I say, "So why are you working?" She replies, "No one wanted wanted to work they all wanted to take off to be with their families". At this point I am pissed. I'm hurt. In my mind I am thinking, HEL-LO as if you don't have a family that wants to spend time with you. She always puts people before her. Bless her heart. So I said to her, "Ma, you have a family that has plans for Thanksgiving, I told you we were going to go eat somewhere!". She replies, "Yo se, but we can eat tomorrow, I am off. Besides your sister Aida has to work at 6pm, so we can do it another day." Anger builds. "Ma,  Jueves (Thursday) is Thanksgiving, not Miercoles (Wednesday)!" I was crushed. I know she felt it. I decided to get off the phone before she heard me cry. I went back to my table at Starbucks and continued to do my work. Fighting back tears and thoughts I couldn't seem to get anything then done. My best friend came back to the table and asked me if everything was okay and I shot her a quick "yes". She asked a couple more times. Now we all know never ask a person that we think is hurting "are you okay". That's the equivalent of a green light to cry. Immediately tears came down and I put my head down at the table. I just could not understand what is wrong with my family. We go through this every year. I mean I know. But still, when will they realize that even though we are broken, our family can be restored. God is the business of restoring hearts and families all over the world. At times I want to be angry at my mom especially after this, but again, my mom put everyone else's happiness over her own and our family. And as for me, she always thinks that there's another day and she thinks I will never be disappointed. The truth is, I am human. I hurt like everyone else. I don't know what ever made her think while I was growing up that I was strong enough to handle the heartache, the disappointment, and the fact that I will be okay because "I am the bigger person" when I was the youngest. All these years later and with knowledge I have acquired of my my mom's up bringing, brought me to the conclusion that she thinks I am a lot like her. She was adopted, her parents and siblings hated her, abused her, raped her, neglected her, and till this day never speak to her. It wasn't until she was old enough to run away and begin to make money that she was free from half the battle. She had a couple boyfriends that helped her and ultimately my dad saved her life and ensured she would never be hurt again or without a another meal. It's so sad he passed when I was a child. Over Thanksgiving it dawned on me that perhaps she thought because she made it through those trials and tribulations that I could too. I can, but it doesn't mean that I see life that way if I could help it. I don't always want to be strong for everyone. I don't always want to be the one calling and texting my family. I don't ever want to feel guilty for ever taking the attitude of 'I'll talk to them when they call me' or 'I'm not reaching out unless they reach for me.' Life is short man. Anything can happen and I refuse to live in regret. I still have to figure it all out. But honestly, I have to get to the point where I could come to my mom and tell her how I hurt when I am second to things or when we don't take family moments serious. But a part of me seems to think I can't come to her because I will break down and cry. I don't want her to see me cry. I'm the strong one remember. I am just like my mom remember. I can endure all. I believe my mom is numb from all the pain. Sometimes I just want her to break down from all the pain from being abandoned from her family and placed in an orphanage, break down from the abuse and neglect from her adoptive family, break down from the death of my father, break down from the upsets of our family relationships, to get to the point where she can say I made it through. I just want to hold my mom and tell her I am your strength. God has taken me through and he will take you too. 

This Thanksgiving year, I give thanks because God has blessed me with some great people, God has restored me and is working through me, and I have the chance to do what I love to do. God has answered prayers this year and increased my faith. Today I give thanks for the future and the work that will be done in families. I believe by faith that restoration in families will take place as well as healing. I believe 2012 will be a year of reuniting. Today I give thanks to my family no matter where we are in this world, you are always in my heart. Be thankful for life in itself. So much is happening in the world yet we find something to complain about everyday. Wake up in the morning and trust God that today is a great day. Today is a day I thank myself for being great and believing in myself.  You hold the key to your thoughts. Be thankful in every word you speak. 

As I close this blog post, I did not envision it  developing the way it did. I had to change the title and picture. I guess God had a different message for me. Stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow. Thanks for reading and supporting. Please feel free to share this message with your friends and family. Bless it.