Nightmare on Muzik Street

I will always sleep as a child.

Last night I was awakened in the middle of the night by a horrible nightmare. Anyone that knows me knows that this is nothing new to me. I have been having nightmares since I could remember. I was never that child that dreamed of unicorns and rainbows with pots of gold. I remember as a kid, my mom having people from our church come to our house to pray over me while I slept. Pretty crazy huh? 

My dream last night began with teens teasing me because I looked different and did not belong. It was almost as if I had a t-shirt that was labeled "I AM ADOPTED"; how did they know? I was running around frantically trying to escape the ridicule and figure out how everyone knew I was adopted. I remember screaming and crying up and down streets and people calling me names like "martian, alien, orphan, etc". I ran into the next part of my dream. This part I remember very vividly, my siblings were present in the house and the ground started shaking almost like an earthquake. The roof was coming down and my mom was screaming for me to keep my hands up so the roof would not collapse. Before I knew it I was seeing the neighbors running around. There was no longer a roof or walls in need of holding up. My house was no longer a home. It was broken. I screamed for my mom to help me and comfort my fears but I could not find her. I ran around the rubble and spotted her with my other two sisters trying to escape. I ran as fast as I could to catch up while screaming "Mom....Mommmmm esperame (wait for me)". My mom looked back, paused, while my sisters pulled her to continue running and leave me behind. I kept screaming "Don't leave me mama, don't leave"! The hurricane winds kept blowing debris everywhere as the ground shook. At that moment I felt I was going to die alone, with no family, and no one to save me. I could hear my oldest sister laughing hysterically that I was going to be left to die. 

Thank you God! I woke up immediately after that part and began to pray to God to bring peace over my mind and my heart. I have been struggling with the emotions and history I have with my adoptive sisters, especially the oldest one. She hates my guts and always has. I still pray for her though everyday. The dream reminded me of the storms my family and I have had to endure. When the house collapsed it reminded me of how broken we are as a family, and my mom lives in a house and not a home. The most critical part of my dream was when my mom paused after I screamed for her to wait for me to catch up, while my sister pulled her to continue to run. It reminded me of the hundred's of times my mom had been stuck in the middle of my arguments with my sisters. As I have mentioned my mom has always thought I was strong enough to deal with them and how they treat me. My biggest fear was that my mom was going to leave me out in that storm because she thought I would once again survive yet another storm in my life....

Thank you God for keeping me safe in your arms.

Love,

Muzik

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