Which Way Is Home?

Finding Yourself

2012-01-29T16:19:00.000-08:00

Being adopted most often leads to the number one question, "Who am I'?

This perhaps is the number one reason why adoptees search for their way back home. How will we ever know who we are when we do not even know where we come from. This is what adoptive parents do not understand. Yes we love you, yes we are thankful for what you have done for us, and yes we will always see you as our mom and dad, but the truth is I still do not know who I am. I need to know my heritage, my culture, and my roots. Most of all, deep inside I yearn to know what could have been.

Not knowing who we are leads to challenges in our futures. And sometimes they may develop into behavioral issues. We are challenged by our peers, our siblings that may not be adopted, and strangers. Imagine being in a grocery store checking out with your adopted child that looks nothing like you, and the women behind you in the checkout asks about your children. This is the time that us adoptees ears perk up and alarms start going off; we are reminded once again that we are different. It is a feeling that we do not belong and will never belong. Yes, you can argue that it does not matter what people think, but in our mind it does. All we want is to fit in so badly. We do not want to be different all the time.

Therefore, if it eases the pain for us, please do us this favor and let us find our way back home. Even if it is just to see what it may look like or feel like. And please be there for us when we come back. You have no idea how hard it is for us to even make that first step with courage. We go into the search with blind eyes, but with vision of happiness. Happiness that is not always guaranteed; therefore, we need your comfort. We need the same love to prevail whether things turn out positively or negatively. Please do not hold us back from finding ourselves. Perhaps this may help you find you too.

We never know how strong we are until we are challenged from the heart...

I Am Adopted: The Gift of Hope Part 2

2012-01-24T17:18:00.000-08:00

Thank you for watching friends and fam. Please share this video with others as we work together to inspire and motivate adoptees and foster youth and adults. Please feel free to comment.

Click here to watch The Gift of Hope Part 1, My Family Found Me

NEVER GIVE UP!

The Mirror Never Lies

2012-01-01T13:31:00.001-08:00

For Christmas I received a photo of my birth mom standing in front of a Christmas tree in her younger days. I stared at my biological mom in this pic like this can't possibly be real! I seen a recent pic of her, but this was different. I look just like her; it's unreal. Every time I look at it I want to cry. I've spent so much time wondering what this lady was going to look like. Perhaps it's part of the reason I was dying to know who my momma was. I remember growing up looking at mothers and daughters and thinking in amazement how strong genes are. I could only imagine what traits I took from my mom at the time. My siblings and cousins say I look just like her and sound just like her out of all her 6 kids. How ironic, the one that resembles her the most is the one she left behind. I wonder what she is thinking looking at my pics today. I can't wait when I see her face to face and take a pic next to her. Im sure my nose will be stuck on the picture turning it at every angle studying the similarities. Let's just say, this is a very interesting time....

Love,
Muzik

Once Was Lost, Now I'm Found

2011-12-26T16:24:00.000-08:00

Now that the secret is out, I want to hide somewhere in a tree or go away on a far away vacation to deal with my emotions.

Since announcing Christmas Day that my family found me, I have received many messages from my supporters and my biological family. I am very overwhelmed as I knew I would be, just as I was the first day I heard from them. Let's face it, there is no way to fully be prepared for this moment. I appreciate the love I have been receiving from my family, but the feeling that I am like or was a big secret, or the new surprise makes me feel a bit not human. I feel some time of way. Imagine someone hiding you somewhere for years and then they take you out to show the world. As I mentioned in the video I have a really big beautiful family, but when I made my announcement yesterday I was inundated with so many friend request from family members I never new about. I just can't see to fathom how I will get to know everyone. I know it is like any other situation, "one day at a time". However, when this is something you have been waiting all of your life for you want the answers now. You want everything to magically fall into place. I guess I pictured my reunion to be a fairy tale story, not to say it isn't. But this is more difficult than I ever imagined. All these people want to talk, meet me, and get to know me. I kind of feel important, not like Obama or anything (laughs) just important. I want to be there for them as they have expressed the same for me. However, I learned while I was in Seattle at the AFAAD gathering how important it is to practice self-care as we cope with being adopted and beong "found". I have no idea where I would be without my AFAAD family. In the coming weeks I will share more about my experience in Seattle. It was a powerful day I will aways remember.

I really just wanted to thank you all for being there for me. When I first found out about my family finding me I documented everything on videos and recorded calls that I will later share with you all. It is important to me to share with you all that are adopted and coping with the similar issues or know someone that is in hopes to help someone get through this very difficult emotional process. As I encourage you, I encourage myself to get through this time. I don't have all the answers right now, but I believe when the time is right I will be at peace. Be strong and never give up hope.

Stay tuned for the Which Way Is Home Tour in the next couple months as I travel to meet my family state to state and then to Puerto Rico. I am thankful to not have to go through this alone, and know that my supporters are right here with me. Just for the record, my thoughts are not meant to ever offend anyone. These post are my thoughts as a real life adoptee. No secrets. I am very thankful for the gift I have been blessed with, and even though I am overwhelmed it does not mean I do not want to hear from you. Your love, words, and thoughts keep me going. Thank you again.

P.S Pardon my absence here and there. I may need some time...

Love,
Muzik

For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in -Psalm 27:10

Merry Christmas: The Gift of Hope

2011-12-26T12:48:00.000-08:00

Thank you all for supporting me. I love you all for inspiring me to continue to reach others with The Not So Secret Life of an Adoptee. Merry Christmas to you all; I bring to you The Gift of Hope.

Love,

Muzik

O Holy Night

2011-12-23T10:52:00.000-08:00

I suffer every year at this time as many adoptees and foster care kids do. We are just a couple days away from Christmas day, a day where families gather, laugh, exchange gifts, profess love and forgiveness.

This song I placed above, "Oh Holy Night" by Christina Aguilera kills me every season. I don't know exactly what it is, but I can promise you the minute the song comes on I am in tears wherever I am. I remember back in the days I worked at Sams Club; I was a merchandiser for a brief period. During the holidays I had to assemble Christmas trees, nativity sets, and inflate snowmen. Down the aisle we had Christmas music playing, and what do you know, Oh Holy Night played like a broken record. I would cry every time. I mean, thank God I went to work at 4am; therefore, there weren't any customers in the building. When no one was around, I would torture myself by walking up the couple aisles and imagine what Christmas would be like if I would have stayed in New York with my biological family. I would sometimes stare at the nativity sets and look at Baby Jesus laying in the manger. Don't think I am crazy, but sometimes I kinda felt like I was Baby Jesus in the manger in my mind. Even though Jesus was not alone in the manger, I felt like I was abandoned and left in the manger and people were just looking at me. Nativity sets really get to me. I cannot look at one without breaking down. My adoptive mom used to collect them. I hated them! It hurts me to see all those figurines surrounded around Baby Jesus. It reminded me of family. Family that I did not have at the time (I am working on it right now). But this song reminds me of the importance of being born. I wonder what my mom thought when I was born. Was it a time of sadness or was it something divine. Were the stars shining bright? Or was the sky dark? I wonder what God was thinking of my mom (I begin to cry). All I can think is "how could she...". How could she just leave me without even knowing if I was going to be okay. It hurts. Births are a day of celebration, and here I am a baby without a chance to show my mom what I could have been if only she gave me a chance to be someone great.

As much as it hurts to think of my biological family and my adoption, this year I am comforted by God's peace. Since March I have been focusing on God, my life, my goals, my future, and creating peace through the circumstances I cannot change. God, my Father, the Man that never left me has freed me from my past and pain. I said things would be different this year for myself, a vow I made to myself. I am determined to not let anyone or anything steal my God-given joy! So come on Satan come on! The devil is a liar. I am about to show the world what family, peace, and life is all about through my story.

O Holy Night, Lord I thank you tonight and every night. Jesus, I thank you for dying on the cross for us. We are not perfect, yet you still love us and fight for us. Lord I thank you for being my family when no one was there for me. Lord, I thank you for sending people in my life when I had no place to stay, no food to eat, no clothes. Lord, you know my desires my dreams, I pray in Jesus name you will restore my family, that the anger will cease. Lord I ask in Jesus name that 2012 families will reunite! But most of all, Lord I pray that your healing power heal the hearts of adoptees and fostered youth and adults, that they will find peace and be healed. Lord we trust the struggle you placed on us is for a greater purpose.

Father, before I go, I thank you for increasing my faith when I wanted to quit and end it all. Your timing is the perfect timing. I thank you for knowing me and keeping me safe from the streets. I love you Jesus!!

My Father

Amen

Love your daughter,

Jessenia "Muzik" Arias

Please feel free to share this with your friends and loved one

Merry Christmas Eve

Sounds Like An Adoptee To Me

2011-12-22T13:47:00.000-08:00

Sounds to me like an adoptee wrote this.

(I decided I would break this down)

I'm afraid of giving up giving in and letting go: Reminds me of an adoptee that is searching or in reunion, and dealing with the emotions of what is to come. Reminds me of an adoptee dealing with rejection.

I'm afraid of the ticking clock passing time and missed opportunities: An adoptee that is searching or in reunion wondering, if I wait too long my biological family may pass away or I might miss a very important event such as a birth, wedding, death, graduation.

I'm afraid of my own emotion unstable as I such a foolish mess: Yep. This has adoptee written all over it. We never know how we may feel when news breaks out. Just the thought of being adopted and someone says the word triggers emotions. How many people have called you emotionally unstable? I've heard many adoptees excuse themselves for talking too much.

I'm afraid of lost control lost insanity and loss of life: Whew! Adopted all over. Thank God I am in a better place today. I used to snap at the drop of a dime, especially when it was something my family would do to me. My biggest fear since knowing I was adopted was my biological mom and dad would be dead.

What are some of the things you think of when you read this?

A Social Network For Adoptees

2011-12-19T21:55:00.000-08:00

ATTENTION! ATTENTION! THE TIME HAS COME! LOOK NO FURTHER...

Before you even go any further, take my word and long onto wecommix.com. Okay, welcome back. I had the pleasure of being a part of an interview on a radio show for adoptees with Margret Anderson a Korean adoptee. She is the developer of WeCommix, the social network for adoptees. It's your mix of Facebook slash MySpace created by us for us. Long are the days of thinking we were alone and never meeting an adoptee till your 50 years old. Now it's just a simple click away and you are connected with adoptees from all over the world.

First thing you would want to do is register and create a profile. In the process you can upload photos, write in about favorite movies and songs, your bio (including your adoption journey), post discussion questions, events, blogs, and much more! It also has an interactive wall like Facebook, that enables you to post a status. After all of your info is uploaded, your next step is to add friends. You can send friend request to members of WeCommix or invite your friends by importing addresses from your email contacts.

Tell a friend to tell a friend and we can all be friends! See you there!

Be sure to follow WeCommix on Twitter

As always, thanks for your support. I cosign this movement - Muzik

Forgiving Family

2011-12-18T06:27:00.000-08:00

Always be prepared to have bombs dropped on you when you call your adoptive or biological family or visit after it's been some time.

Yesterday I decided it was time to check up on everyone, and to my surprise (well not really) I was thrown some things from two family members that placed me in two different emotional states. These are both very private issues; therefore, I won't go into detail.

First bomb: Reminded me to be thankful for everything we have that we always take for granted. I'm talking to you ladies. No matter what happens always remember that beauty comes within. And you are beautiful because God created you that way. Nothing can change or alter that.

Lord, I wish there was something I could do to make her smile again and get through this....

Second bomb: A situation I have dealt with before in the past, but this time it is different. I will at least say that this about my oldest sister (the one I haven't seen to in almost 15 years and the one that said my biological mom should have left me dead which lead to my first arrest). Yep, that's her. She is always in some sort of mess creating havoc in our family. Heck, she is the reason our family is the way it is today (not to point fingers. My finger is just stuck). I want to help her, but she has so much animosity toward me I could not even bring myself to help her. And you can't help someone that does not want to help themselves. All I could think of as I sat on the couch hearing what was going on was, "Muzik, she is your sister (wait, is she? She said I should be dead)you have to help her. That's what sisters would do". My mind was everywhere. But the truth is, whether she loves me, likes me, wishes me dead, she is my sister in Christ. I have to love her. How will I help her? I don't know yet. I have a lot to think about and I have to some how forget what she said about me years ago when I was arrested and the damage she created between me and my family. But at this point it is not about me anymore. She needs some intervention of some sort. What she is going through is what I help people with all the time, but now it is different because this is personal. I am left to leave this with God, but I am about to jump into some action.

Pray for me.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.-- Mahatma Gandhi

Dear Mom: I Love You

2011-12-15T14:15:00.000-08:00

I didn't get to see my moms today (sad face). However, I made this to reminisce over our mini dates we have shared. This made me smile seeing her face. Last time we linked up she said, " I love spending time with you. You always show me nice things and take me places I would have never went". Y'all ready know, my moms get the best and anything! She never had anything growing up, but today...trust she going to get it all. She is my world. I am about to make her dreams come true. Anything to see her smile.

Love you mommy

Healing: I Love My Mommy

2011-12-13T18:10:00.000-08:00

You know, it is so crazy. All I want to do is be with my mommy (for the record: adoptive mom). I think about her all the time, I want to call her all the time, and I get all excited thinking about the possibility of picking her up on Thursdays to chill with me. I just want to be in her presence. I want to see her smile. I want her to tell me stories about her past. I just want to be close to my hero, my mommy. The woman that changed my life. I just want to cry thinking about it.

I catch myself in my thoughts how close we have become over the past couple of years. I was so angry at her for years due to all the things that have happened on my journey. But as I matured, I found out that life is much too short to hold onto grudges for something petty. This is a life we are talking about. And it's true, "hurting people hurt people". Most of the time is unintentional. Many never know that they are inflicting pain on others because they have not faced the hurt in their life that has consumed them. As I began to experience life I understood that life can make you or break you. It's hard being an adult, especially when you did not have much growing up. Through my hardships growing up I realized that my mom tried to give me her best. We must keep in mind that the definition of "the best" differs from person to person. Those of us that struggle with family or parents need to keep that in mind. During the period of my life when I was on the streets all I wanted was to be back in my mom's arms. I just wanted to feel that sense of security that only she can give me. I knew at that point I needed to restore my relationship with her.

It took some time to call her up but I did. I was worried how things were going to be between us because I had not seen her in quite some time. But it was almost as if we never separated. Since then I have tried to see her every Thursday and show her how much I love her and care about her. I want to give my mom the world despite what happened in the past. How could I be angry at my mom? We all make mistakes from time to time. Nothing will ever stop me from loving such an amazing strong woman. Man, if I could give her the world at her feet she would have it all! Sometimes I just cry thinking about her. I tried to convince her to sell her house and move in with me. It crazy how I always want my mom around nowadays. She is my heart!

I just want everyone that is hurting today in your families to have compassion for the hurt that may have been inflicted in your family. Life is hard. We don't make the best or right decisions all the time, but look at your life, we all messed up from time to time and wanted someone to forgive us. Life is so unpredictable, I couldn't bear the thought of anything happened to my mommy. Today I pray for those that need healing and restoration in your families. I pray for adoptees that are in need of healing from the pain of abandonedment. I pray for birth mothers in need of healing for placing their children in adoption. I pray for adoptive parents that are hurting. I have declared over my life that 2012 will be a time of restoration for families all over. Why live in anger for the rest of your life when happiness is one word away? Pick up the phone, write that letter, stop by their house. I know it is hard, but it's time to let it go.

Love you all for your faith and strength,

Muzik

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds

Psalm 147:3

I Speak: The Power of I AM

2011-12-10T13:22:00.001-08:00

This past Saturday, I was booked to speak at the Marriott City Place in West Palm Beach, FL at an event focused on young women hosted by the Elite Bridge Club Career Luncheon. Today I spoke about "The Power of I am". I covered an array of subjects: adoption, sex, drugs, education, overcoming struggles, the entertainment business, how to create success, God, and much more.

When I speak, I speak to reach at least one person. As I spoke today I watched people shifting in their chairs, I heard the "Amen's, glory to God, and saw the tears in their eyes. But there was this one girl that stood out to me. A young lady with an amazing voice named Maya Knighton. There was something about that young lady's spirit across the room that drew me to her. I told myself after the event I wanted to find her and personally encourage her about her future and to stay focused. I knew she was the young lady that needed to hear me today. Something inside of me tells me she is going to be a success story. I had an opportunity to speak to her and her mom. It meant the world to hear her say what it meant for her to hear me speak. And guess what? She is adopted. I am beginning to believe I have an eye for adoptees. It was definitely empowering to have the opportunity to sit on a panel with women that have had their own personal struggles, yet they had a dream to succeed and did not allow anything to hold them back. By the end of the event I had many people shaking my hand, encouraging me, asking me for my business card to speak at their event, and wanting to share. I wish I had more time to speak to everyone. However, to see the response from those that had attended reassured me that my voice is highly needed in our communities as well as society.

I also had the opportunity to personally thank my probation officer I was assigned to as a juvenile publicly after she introduced me in her speech. Everyone deserved to know how much she has inspired my life by believing in me and my future.

Before I close this:

Never forget the power of "I Am". I am GREAT. I am SUCCESS. I am IMPORTANT. I am BEAUTIFUL. I am THRIVING. We must speak into our life as well as our kids. Success lies in the power of your tongue.

For booking information, please email yourbloodismyblood@yahoo.com

Tweet Me Meet Me

2011-12-09T10:29:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! Be sure to follow me on Twitter for up to date information on:

I Am Adopted and Which Way Is Home,
Speaking engagements
Join conversations with members of the adoption triad
Motivational messages and inspiration
Tweet me & meet me in your city for coffee
...and much more. You have to see to find out!

Sign up & Tweet me

Love,

Muzik

What's There to HO HO HO About?

2011-12-06T11:52:00.001-08:00

Yep, the holidays are in full swing. Christmas music is bumpin' through every speaker in town, decorations paint the city, and people are jingling bells like the energizer bunny gone crazy. For some this is pure bliss. For others, it is a time of reflection and depression.

For most, the holidays are known to bring cheer and joy. People are constantly ringing bells and decking halls all over the place. But to adoptees and fostered youth and adults, this holiday is a stocking full of coal, a Christmas tree with no lights or gifts, and an army of Grinch's. This season many adoptees and foster youth and adults won't have a family to celebrate with due to never being adopted, broken relationships, and confusion (I'll explain in the latter).

Just to be clear: Just because a person was adopted, it does not mean that they have a family. Some adoptions don't pan out as the American dream family. To be real, some people are sick and exploit adoptees, hence adoptees running away and never returning home leaving them without a family this Christmas.

Then, we have adoptees that are adopted and are searching for their families harboring unexplainable emotions. Adoptees have to deal with celebrating with their adoptive family and pondering if their biological family is thinking of them at a time when families gather.

Lastly, we have another group of adoptees that are a torn between the two. These are adoptees that are in reunion with their biological family. These adoptees have to choose where they will celebrate Christmas. Will it be with their adoptive family or will it beeeee with their biological family? You want to talk about conflict arising! WHEW! It can get real nasty in the end. I hear from adoptees all the time around this season that are so confused as to which family they should want to celebrate with. Many adoptees that are fresh in reunion want to spend it with their biological family, but the havoc they get from their adoptive family is a nightmare. Most adoptive families will support the thought of their child spending part of the holidays with their biological family, but not on CHRISTMAS DAY. It can be heart breaking to have to choose between the two. In fact I don't understand why an adoptive family would make their child choose. Ugh.

To those that read this post: my heart goes out to you if you are struggling with the holiday season. I know it's hard. The music drives me ba-zerkkk to be honest. It brings all these memories back and tears start streaming down my face. But I want to remind you how strong you are. Look how far you have come. If it helps you this holiday season if you are alone, volunteer at a shelter or a soup kitchen. There is no better feeling than giving back. I have had to do it a couple time to get through. There are so many people that are alone and could use a person as special as you!

Love,

Muzik

I Won! Adoption Blogger Interview Project

2011-11-29T12:03:00.001-08:00

Special thanks to Heather, blog author of Production Not Reproduction for hosting the Adoption Blogger Interview Project 2011. As a participant and showin' love for this awesome project, I won a gift certificate to cop me a pair of TOMS! As the winner, I had options to have a certificate to different stores; however, once I saw that TOMS was on the list I had to pick that option. I mean let's be real who wouldn't want a pair of the most trendsetting, funky, and way to give back shoes? Not only that, the Adoption Project was a way to give back to all members of the adoption triad. This was overall the best way to bring National Adoption Awareness Month to a close, although we know that our work does not end here. Thank you again Heather for your great work on this project. Much love to you!

Click to read my interview on Jay: Adoption Blogger Interview 2011

Click to read more about TOMS shoes for every shoe purchase, TOMS will give a new pair of shoes to a child in need.

I haven't decided on which color I am going to get; however stay tuned for my pic when my shoes arrive!

Love ya!

Muzik

Nightmare on Muzik Street

2011-11-28T12:29:00.001-08:00

I will always sleep as a child.

Last night I was awakened in the middle of the night by a horrible nightmare. Anyone that knows me knows that this is nothing new to me. I have been having nightmares since I could remember. I was never that child that dreamed of unicorns and rainbows with pots of gold. I remember as a kid, my mom having people from our church come to our house to pray over me while I slept. Pretty crazy huh?

My dream last night began with teens teasing me because I looked different and did not belong. It was almost as if I had a t-shirt that was labeled "I AM ADOPTED"; how did they know? I was running around frantically trying to escape the ridicule and figure out how everyone knew I was adopted. I remember screaming and crying up and down streets and people calling me names like "martian, alien, orphan, etc". I ran into the next part of my dream. This part I remember very vividly, my siblings were present in the house and the ground started shaking almost like an earthquake. The roof was coming down and my mom was screaming for me to keep my hands up so the roof would not collapse. Before I knew it I was seeing the neighbors running around. There was no longer a roof or walls in need of holding up. My house was no longer a home. It was broken. I screamed for my mom to help me and comfort my fears but I could not find her. I ran around the rubble and spotted her with my other two sisters trying to escape. I ran as fast as I could to catch up while screaming "Mom....Mommmmm esperame (wait for me)". My mom looked back, paused, while my sisters pulled her to continue running and leave me behind. I kept screaming "Don't leave me mama, don't leave"! The hurricane winds kept blowing debris everywhere as the ground shook. At that moment I felt I was going to die alone, with no family, and no one to save me. I could hear my oldest sister laughing hysterically that I was going to be left to die.

Thank you God! I woke up immediately after that part and began to pray to God to bring peace over my mind and my heart. I have been struggling with the emotions and history I have with my adoptive sisters, especially the oldest one. She hates my guts and always has. I still pray for her though everyday. The dream reminded me of the storms my family and I have had to endure. When the house collapsed it reminded me of how broken we are as a family, and my mom lives in a house and not a home. The most critical part of my dream was when my mom paused after I screamed for her to wait for me to catch up, while my sister pulled her to continue to run. It reminded me of the hundred's of times my mom had been stuck in the middle of my arguments with my sisters. As I have mentioned my mom has always thought I was strong enough to deal with them and how they treat me. My biggest fear was that my mom was going to leave me out in that storm because she thought I would once again survive yet another storm in my life....

Thank you God for keeping me safe in your arms.

Love,

Muzik

[Follow me on Twitter for more info about my life]

Turkey For Lunch Turkey For Dinner

2011-11-25T09:01:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving to you all, although Thanksgiving is an everyday to me. Hence why I always blog the day after these 'so-called' holidays. Everyone that knows me knows I am MIA every holiday. I understand the hype of celebrating, I just wish we did not wait till that one day of the year to gather with family, cook, share stories, pray, and most of all GIVE THANKS.

So. Let me tell you share with you about my Thanksgiving....

I decided not to do any work for Thanksgiving. Instead, I decided to do what I always try to do and gather my family together for a meal and give thanks. Since that's what the rest of America seems to do. Such a shame we need a holiday to do this. Okay. So my mom calls and she tells me she cannot make it because she has to work. This is on Tuesday. I said, "Ma, you don't work on Thursdays. She replies, "Yo se" (I know). I say, "So why are you working?" She replies, "No one wanted wanted to work they all wanted to take off to be with their families". At this point I am pissed. I'm hurt. In my mind I am thinking, HEL-LO as if you don't have a family that wants to spend time with you. She always puts people before her. Bless her heart. So I said to her, "Ma, you have a family that has plans for Thanksgiving, I told you we were going to go eat somewhere!". She replies, "Yo se, but we can eat tomorrow, I am off. Besides your sister Aida has to work at 6pm, so we can do it another day." Anger builds. "Ma, Jueves (Thursday) is Thanksgiving, not Miercoles (Wednesday)!" I was crushed. I know she felt it. I decided to get off the phone before she heard me cry. I went back to my table at Starbucks and continued to do my work. Fighting back tears and thoughts I couldn't seem to get anything then done. My best friend came back to the table and asked me if everything was okay and I shot her a quick "yes". She asked a couple more times. Now we all know never ask a person that we think is hurting "are you okay". That's the equivalent of a green light to cry. Immediately tears came down and I put my head down at the table. I just could not understand what is wrong with my family. We go through this every year. I mean I know. But still, when will they realize that even though we are broken, our family can be restored. God is the business of restoring hearts and families all over the world. At times I want to be angry at my mom especially after this, but again, my mom put everyone else's happiness over her own and our family. And as for me, she always thinks that there's another day and she thinks I will never be disappointed. The truth is, I am human. I hurt like everyone else. I don't know what ever made her think while I was growing up that I was strong enough to handle the heartache, the disappointment, and the fact that I will be okay because "I am the bigger person" when I was the youngest. All these years later and with knowledge I have acquired of my my mom's up bringing, brought me to the conclusion that she thinks I am a lot like her. She was adopted, her parents and siblings hated her, abused her, raped her, neglected her, and till this day never speak to her. It wasn't until she was old enough to run away and begin to make money that she was free from half the battle. She had a couple boyfriends that helped her and ultimately my dad saved her life and ensured she would never be hurt again or without a another meal. It's so sad he passed when I was a child. Over Thanksgiving it dawned on me that perhaps she thought because she made it through those trials and tribulations that I could too. I can, but it doesn't mean that I see life that way if I could help it. I don't always want to be strong for everyone. I don't always want to be the one calling and texting my family. I don't ever want to feel guilty for ever taking the attitude of 'I'll talk to them when they call me' or 'I'm not reaching out unless they reach for me.' Life is short man. Anything can happen and I refuse to live in regret. I still have to figure it all out. But honestly, I have to get to the point where I could come to my mom and tell her how I hurt when I am second to things or when we don't take family moments serious. But a part of me seems to think I can't come to her because I will break down and cry. I don't want her to see me cry. I'm the strong one remember. I am just like my mom remember. I can endure all. I believe my mom is numb from all the pain. Sometimes I just want her to break down from all the pain from being abandoned from her family and placed in an orphanage, break down from the abuse and neglect from her adoptive family, break down from the death of my father, break down from the upsets of our family relationships, to get to the point where she can say I made it through. I just want to hold my mom and tell her I am your strength. God has taken me through and he will take you too.

This Thanksgiving year, I give thanks because God has blessed me with some great people, God has restored me and is working through me, and I have the chance to do what I love to do. God has answered prayers this year and increased my faith. Today I give thanks for the future and the work that will be done in families. I believe by faith that restoration in families will take place as well as healing. I believe 2012 will be a year of reuniting. Today I give thanks to my family no matter where we are in this world, you are always in my heart. Be thankful for life in itself. So much is happening in the world yet we find something to complain about everyday. Wake up in the morning and trust God that today is a great day. Today is a day I thank myself for being great and believing in myself. You hold the key to your thoughts. Be thankful in every word you speak.

As I close this blog post, I did not envision it developing the way it did. I had to change the title and picture. I guess God had a different message for me. Stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow. Thanks for reading and supporting. Please feel free to share this message with your friends and family. Bless it.

Adoption Bloggers Interview Project 2011

2011-11-23T08:27:00.001-08:00

I had this awesome opportunity to participate in the Adoption Bloggers Interview Project 2011, hosted by Heather at Production Not Reproduction. There was no way I would miss this opportunity. I had the good fortune to interview Jay, a writer at Two Women Blogging. Jay is what I describe as "The Not So Secret Mom". I love the way she expresses herself. She keeps it real! What else can we ask of a mom? She pretty dope to me.

After checkin' her blog out I drew up some questions and shot them right at her. Of course I was expecting some real answers, and yes she delivered.

Vibin With Jay...

Muzik: I must say, I love the "Conversations With My Daughter" posts. How do you think as a mother that seems rather open with your child will benefit your child's future? What do you think happens when parents do not have conversations with their children?

Jay: I am also the daughter of a mother who spoke openly about sex, so I can tell you how that open-ness benefited me. I grew up thinking of sex as something meaningful, enjoyable and important, but not dirty or shameful. That's what I'm hoping Eve will get from us. I know so many people who had only the basic mechanical "facts of life" talk from their parents, and it seems to me that they are taken by surprise by their own desires, and often ashamed of themselves for simply being human. And then there's the revolutionary idea that sex is something that can - and should! - be discussed. That in and of itself is important - how do you have a healthy, satisfying sexual relationship without talking about it?

It's more than talking to our children; it's also listening to them, and I hope I'm doing that, too.

Muzik: After reading "What is the best age to have a baby", as a mother, do you feel that parents are at fault in teenage pregnancy? What can parents do to educate their child on sex, pregnancy, and STD's?

Jay: I don't think it's always a terrible thing when teenagers have babies. For one thing, there's a huge difference between 18/19 and 14/15, so we can't lump them all together. And no, I don't think parents are at fault, not globally - every family is different and every situation is unique. I do think that when very young teenagers (under 15) are having sex, it's often a reaction to difficult situations at home, but that's not to blame their parents - we all need better support than we usual get from our communities.

That said, I do think we have an impact on our kid's choices - at the very least, we can provide them with access to birth control. When Eve's in high school, I intend to stock the bathroom closet with condoms and tell her I'll check and replace them, and she can tell her friends they're available. When I practiced primary care, I kept condoms in my coat pocket to give to patients.

We can give them information both directly (by talking to them) and indirectly (by having reading material accessible at home and pointing them to reliable Internet resources, like Scarleteen.com). If we're lucky, we can offer them models of loving and respectful relationships in our own lives. We can let them know that we will love and support them no matter what. And we can make sure they have other adults they can talk to when necessary, because no matter how good we are, they will not always be able to come to us. We can remember, always, that it's not about us.

Muzik: After reading In an Adoptee's Words, how do you feel about adoptees searching for their birth parents? How do you feel about adoptive parents objecting to it?

Jay: I'm kind of evangelical about open adoption and searching. I think it's normal and natural and kind of inevitable that adoptees will want to search, and I really hate that searching is necessary at all - you should have that information available to you from the beginning. Your own origins should never, ever be kept from you. Whether or not adoptive families actually pursue a ongoing relationship with their kid's biological relatives (and I think we should, but I know it doesn't always happen), we owe it to our children to make connection possible when the children need it. Not when they ask, because they may not ask - and they certainly won't ask if they think it's going to alienate us.

So I guess that's how I feel about adoptive parents objecting: they shouldn't. If adoptive parents are anxious and afraid, they need to deal with those emotions some other way, and support their kids in the search. Intellectually, I can understand why adoptive parents object. Emotionally, I have trouble accepting that response.

Muzik: Your blog post Conversations With My Daughter remind me of my blog. It's the out loud conversations I love.

Jay: Me, too! That's what I really like about blogging - it's an ongoing conversation, and you meet the best people! Ooops, sorry, that wasn't a question, was it?

Muzik: After reading, Conversations With My Daughter, what do you think is an adoptive mother's biggest fear about their child searching for their biological family? What can an adopted child do to calm the fears of their parents to reassure them that they will never stop loving them?

Jay: I think you answered the question in your follow-up. Adoptive parents are afraid of losing their children - losing their love and losing our standing as their parents. That's the biggest fear - that if our children find their biological families, it will mean we're not "really" their parents, and we'll lose our role in their lives. I think it's an internalized oppression - it means that somewhere deep in our beings we do really believe that parenting is about biology, and that adoption is less than. In order to get past the fear, we have to fully claim our authenticity as real parents. We also have to give our kids more credit. They can love us all. Love isn't zero-sum. Our hearts are infinitely expandable, and there's room for more than one parent. If a child can love two parents, why not three? Why not four?

There are other real worries as well - it hurts to see our kids grieving. My daughter's biological father isn't open to any kind of contact, and she's deeply sad about that, and I hate seeing her cry. If I could protect her from that grief, I would do it - but stopping her from searching won't protect her. That pain is, unfortunately, part of her life story. My job - since I'm really her mother - is to help her bear it.

Your last question breaks my heart. It's not your job to reassure your parents. That's just not fair. It's our jobs as parents to manage our own fears, so that you can do what you want and need to do and trust that we'll be OK. I know it doesn't always work that way, but that's how it should be. I wish I could take that pain away from you and from parents who have those fears. All you can do as the adoptee is tell them the truth: that you will always love them, that they will always be your parents, that you have room in your heart for everyone - and that your need to search is not a sign that they failed, but a sign that they succeeded in raising a child who knows herself well enough to understand what she needs, and to go out and get it.

Muzik: Thank you and I look forward to hearing back from you. Keep the convos up with your daughter. We need more momma's like you!!

Jay: Thank you! You made me think, and I hope you get what you were hoping for from the answers. It's been great to be connected to you this way.

So after reading through Jay's responses I have to say I felt a little better thinking about my search and reunion in regards to my adoptive mom. I would never want to hurt her. If she really had an in depth understanding what I have been up to these past couple years, I know she would feel some type of way. I am sure she has no clue. She not the least bit cyber savvy. I'll consider that as a blessing. This is my secret diary...well, not so secret. I really plan to keep up with Jay's blog because I for one, love it, and for two, it's what I need. I need to to be able to have role models to look up to when it comes to mother-daughter relationships. I don't have it all together, and I am not afraid to admit it. But the first part to understanding relationships is having knowledge of them. I really love what Jay is doing with her daughter Eve. She a real mom. And to me, that's what sup!

Big ups to everyone that participated in the Adoption Bloggers Interview Project 2011. It's been an honor!

Sick in Seattle

2011-11-15T16:15:00.001-08:00

I had the best time ever in Seattle with my AFAAD family; however, due to the 40 degree weather and rain I have been sick in bed since I arrived in Miami. I tried to go to work but ended up going home. Boss man said I look like a train hit me and my pals are teasing me about the shopping bags under my eyes.

I have so much to share about my experience and so much writing and blogging to do. I am backed up but trying to work on it all. Pray for me to bounce back. Stay tuned, I will return shortly folks. Hugs and love to ya all. Thanks for your support.

[Side note: It was all worth it coming to Seattle]

AFAAD Gathering 2011: No More Band Aids

2011-11-12T07:46:00.001-08:00

Day 1: I begin to heal. That's right, it is time I think about me and what I need to feel better about me. I have to ask myself "What do you want Muzik? What do you need Muzik"? The days of putting everyone and everything before me have to stop right now. I did not realize how much pain I was feeling until I came to the AFAAD Gathering. For the first time I got to be lil' ol' me. I did not have to be that strong adoptee or that adoptee that seems to have it all figured out. I was able to look around the room and read the words "I-UNDERSTAND-YOU" as if it were blinking like a neon light. Today was the day that I pulled the band aid off of my wound and decided that fresh air is the best medicine. After all, band aids are not meant to be worn everyday.

Joy. I learned that we have to focus on the situations, things, and people, that makes us happy in life. It is different for everyone, but you have to figure it out. Only YOU know this. It is important that you take time out of your day or week to revisit what makes you happy. Remember it can change at any point of your life. Forgiveness is a part of happiness as well. I am not saying that you have forget or start over, but do whatever it is that you need to do to be able to move on and get back to joy.

That is what it is all about guys and dolls. I shed lots of tears throughout this process, but it was time to peel those band aids off. I can tell you this, it would not happen if I was back in Miami. I had to travel to the other side of the coast to get this. Well not exactly, what I needed was people like me to understand what it is to walk in my boots as I found at the AFAAD Gathering. I needed to hear the journeys that other adoptees went through. See sometimes we hide the very big things that later on in the future come back and kick our...You have to talk about it. Most importantly deal with it. By the end of the night I realized how important the power of sharing is. I close this reminding each one of us that the more we are able to share with others the more we heal and help heal another. Time heals all wounds.

For more info on the AFAAD Gathering click: it's about me

Love,

Muzik

Wheels up! Headed to Seattle for the AFAAD Gathering

2011-11-10T13:26:00.000-08:00

No one knows how excited I am for this gathering from Nov. 11-13! For the past three years I have been in Spain or Japan, therefore missing it every time. Roaaaar. I have been eager to meet Lisa Marie the founder of this organization for the longest. She has been like my online mentor for adoptee related subjects and education. Her journey as an adoptee inspires me to get educated as The Voice of the Adoptees and to get educated at a collegiate level. Being able to see Lisa Marie reach new levels in her life despite where she has come from speaks right to me that I can do all things I put my mind to. This gathering will facilitate the reunion of adoptees from all over with different backgrounds. Many of us have never sat down face-to-face and had a convo with another adoptee or with one of our race. Surrounding ourselves with other adoptees can be therapeutic, especially with adoptees from the African Diaspora. Who better to understand us than us? I am looking forward to learning from adoptees, getting educated on adoption rights, and healing by the sharing of stories. I will be featured as the Young Activist Panel Speaker at this event. Please stay tuned to my blog post and pics over the weekend. To learn more about the gathering read below.

About the Annual AFAAD Gathering:

AFAAD holds an annual Gathering for Adult Adoptees and Foster Care adults of African descent. The purpose of our annual Gatherings are to make connections, network, provide healing space, and to celebrate the diversity of our amazing diaspora of transracial, international, domestic adoptees and foster care survivors.

The Gathering is a weekend of discussion, sharing research, workshops and informational sessions about multiple topics, the personal and global politics of adoption and the impact of family disruption on the global black community [borrowed from Lisa Marie]

Follow AFAAD on Twitter

I encourage you all to support them in every way possible and donate to this cause.

Keep me in your prayers as I am in flight. Thank you all love you all!

Darryl McDaniels (DMC) of RUN-DMC Featured Tonight on The New Generation of Adoptees

2011-11-10T09:40:00.000-08:00

Tune in today at 6:30pm (EST) as I co-host with Eva Miller, adoptee and author of The Mysteries of Eva Miller Revealed of The New Generation of Adoptees radio show. We will be interviewing Darry McDaniels, a late discovery adoptee also known as DMC of the popular hip-hop group RUN-DMC. He has been seen on VH1 "My Adoption Journey", and has two popular adoptee related songs titled "Im Legit" with Zara Phillips and "Just Like Me" with Sarah McLachlan. Thank you for your support.

Click to listen The New Generation of Adoptees

You are strongly encouraged to call into the show to speak to Darryl McDaniels today at 6:30pm (EST)

November is National Adoption Awareness Month. Use this time to get educated and stand up for your cause.

Don't forget to order your book The Mysteries of Eva Miller Revealed, the host of The Next Generation of Adoptees after the show. Click on this link and purchase today. Be inspired!

One Love,

Muzik

Darryl McDaniels and Zara Phillips "I'm Legit"

Darryl McDaniels and Sarah McLachlan "Just Like Me"

National Adoption Awareness Month

2011-11-01T15:32:00.000-07:00

November is National Adoption Awareness Month. What does adoption mean to you as an:

Adoptee
Adoptive parent
First mom
Someone that lost a family member to adoption

Adopted: A Whole Spoonful

2011-10-31T12:19:00.000-07:00

How Would You Want to be Told You Were Adopted ?

Carry It to the Cross

2011-10-28T21:44:00.000-07:00

I thought I forgave her years ago. I thought I was ready to move forward and not feel any pain from being given up for adoption. I found out I was wrong. Perhaps I mentally created this world of everything being 'OK', or perhaps I just wanted to get over the negative aspects of it and finally have what I yearned for since I was a teen.

I went to a church service in Cooper City, Florida called Potential Church. Pastor Troy was preaching a service on forgiveness. He went on to talk about how we may think we have forgiven that person and we really haven't. Or perhaps we may have half forgiven someone of what they have done to us. As we walked into the church there were yellow pieces of fabric on every chair representing a flag (think football, flag on the play). Symbolically what it meant was that we were to take that flag and stop the play, and forgive those who have hurt us. We filed down the aisle and placed the yellow fabric at the alter where the cross was. That meant no more carrying the burden. It meant giving to God. It was at that moment that it came over me that I was hurt and angry towards my mom for abandoning me and everything I had to go through growing up. Tears filled my eyes followed by loud sobs. I was standing at the alter amazed that I found out I was really hurting. How could I have not known this? On the way back to my chair, we were to pick up this little mesh bag that had a little piece of paper and we were to write a message to the person we want to forgive. I grabbed one and wrote, "I forgive you mom". Will I ever give it to her? I don't know. I won't know that till the day I meet her, but until then I feel better now that I have taken that pain in my heart to the cross.

Love,

Muzik

Muzik's Thoughts: Be Seen Be Heard

2011-10-24T15:02:00.000-07:00

Now is NOT the time to sit back and wonder if you should start searching. NOW is the time to START searching! How can we ever expect to be found when we are doing nothing to make ourselves visible. TEAM BE SEEN ON 3. 1-2-3...LET'S GO!

Follow me on Twitter : iamadopted

Food For Thought: Before You Adopt Me

2011-10-19T05:54:00.000-07:00

Ohayou Gozaimasu (Good morning), my spaceship has just landed. Thanks for the prayers. I had a lot to think about when I was on my 19 hour flight to Japan.

Food For Thought: Of course you are so excited to adopt someone like me, a child in need of a home. However, before you do so, do your research on our feelings. A big portion of our future conflict lies in you. That's right, the YOU that wants to adopt. This is not the time to be selfish; this is the time to get to know what we need from you upfront. Prepare for the day we want to know where our biological parents are (and don't lie), see that we get to contact them if we wish to, be prepared to share with us all the info we want to know, do not make this about you (this is our life), do not think that we will love you any less or replace you (after all, you are our parents), if we want to have a relationship with our biological family do not get all mad (they will always be our mom and dad regardless if they raised us), most all, just be there for us in every way. This is just as hard for you as it is for us if not more. We understand. Just please do not lie and try to hide us from the world. We already do not have equal rights as citizens, please let us be able to put our trust in you to love us and do what is best for us.

Aijou (love),

Muzik

Farewell Steve Jobs

2011-10-07T07:41:00.000-07:00

As many of you know Steve Jobs, an adoptee and co-founder of Apple passed away Wednesday October 5, 2011. I have always admired Steve Jobs especially when I found out he was an adoptee. It reminded me to push harder to make my dreams a reality. I hear many conversations about adoptees using their 'adoption' as a handicap instead of using it as motivation. Jobs was a perfect example of believing in himself and living out his life. An online doctoral degree may be an option for those who want to be leaders in their field like
Jobs.

Steven Paul Jobs was born on February 24, 1955, to Joanne Simpson and Abdulfattah "John" Jandali, two University of Wisconsin graduate students who gave their unnamed son up for adoption. His father, Abdulfattah Jandali, was a Syrian political science professor and his mother, Joanne Simpson, worked as a speech therapist (Bio. True Story). In 1955, Jandali's then girlfriend Joanne Simpson gave birth to Job's. Due to cultural differences they gave up their son (Edible Apple).

It was mentioned that Job's father went as far as wanting to marry Simpson to spare them shame from their family and people around them for having a baby out of wedlock. However, Simpson's father was not having that because he was Syrian. A few months later, Simpson's father passed away after they gave Job's up for adoption. Simpson and Jandali reunited, but it was too late. The adoption was already final. Jandali and Simpson went on to having more children, and there was nothing they can do to get their son back. At 27, Job's was able to uncover information about his biological parents. To my knowledge Job's has never met his biological parents; however, in the Edible Apple published on August 30, 2011, Job's biological father Jandali said:

"I honestly do not know to this day if Steve is aware of the fact that had it been my choice, I would have loved to keep him".

"Now I just live in hope that, before it is too late, he will reach out to me, because even to have just one coffee with him just once would make me a happy man".

"This might sound strange, though, but I am not prepared even if either of us was on our deathbeds, to pick up the phone to call him. Steve will have to do that, as the Syrian pride in me does not want him ever to think I am after his fortune".

When I heard of his death it touched me because I knew of his story as an adoptee. The article in the Edible Apple was a new article I came across. It reads more or less about the perspective of Job's biological father, a perspective we rarely hear from. It is so tragic to hear about Simpson and Jandali having to give up their son to adoption because of Jandali's nationality. Let's be serious America! However, what is sad about this is that it happens more than you know. Many youth and young women are coerced by their parents to give up their child because the child's father is out of their race. I have spoken to many first mothers that have experienced this and their pain is so deep it feels like the day it happened. The wounds seem to never heal, especially if they never have the chance to meet their child. My heart goes out to Jandali. I hope he will find peace within himself for not ever having that opportunity to share a cup of coffee, a symbol of hope. I wonder if Steve ever planned on meeting his father someday, and if someday just happened to be too late...

May you be at rest Steve Jobs. You have done an incredible job at inspiring the masses. You have inspire me. Job well done!

Love,

Muzik

I am Adopted: Rich Girl Poor Girl

2011-10-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

I attended Lynn University in Boca Raton, FL. A school known for the wealthy folks and million dollar brats. Do not get me wrong I love the school; they have been a family to me. However, I am specifically speaking about the students. An adoptee I met while working on an adoption project told me straight up she had it all, lived in a mansion, drives a BMV, wears Tiffany jewelry, Louis Vuitton and Hermes, why would she want to go to her biological mom that was poor. I have to tell you I was livid hearing this. All of the adoptees I have met that are particularly middle-class to lower-class and of a minority were willing to search and want to know more about themselves and their family. So it had me thinking, would we give up our family or deny them to be with the rich and famous? Sadly, some would. Would you blame them? Some people look into an online masters degree in psychology when they want to figure out how

and why some people think this way.

Just my thoughts.

Alone.

2011-09-29T13:11:00.000-07:00

Day two and my spirit is still down.

I feel like I have no where to run to, actually I do, but I know I have to stop running. But I don't know if this is my stop. I just want to climb in my spaceship and slide. Away from everyone, away from circumstances, away from being adopted, away from everything I cannot understand. I do not want to think or worry about anything for just a moment....just one moment at least. Online psychology degrees are available for those who want to look into how to keep our spirits up whether alone or not.

3-2-1 BLAST OFF....

True Life: I am adopted

Have You Ever Met An Adoptee?

2011-09-28T11:53:00.000-07:00

Source: Adopted The Comic

I remember the first time I met an adoptee, I was in college. Her name was Tina. We were actually in Jamaica. I was so amazed that I wanted to ask a billion questions. I needed to feel that I was not the only one, that I was no longer a martian. What I needed was validation of my feelings from someone like me. However, I quickly found out that she did not care to search for her family; she was happy with her life. Immediately, I thought to myself she had to be in denial. I met another adoptee not long after that in Sociology class, but she also did not care to search or know where she came from. Then I met a few more(I thought I struck the lotto at that point) and they all said the same, they did not care to know. I thought to myself is this because for the most part they have everything they want in life, you know "the good life". I did not meet a male adoptee till years later and he did not share much. A met a few more online on Twitter and they also did not share much. It was like they did not care; they were alive and that was enough. I found it interesting for the most part. That is why I thought this comic was pretty funny and pretty damn real. An online mastersdegree in social work may be of interest for those of you who want tohelp families with the process of adoption and more.

Stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow, "Adoptees with the rich girl swagg". Thanks for vibin' with ya girl.

Love,

Muzik

Follow me on Twitter

Family Fortune

2011-09-27T16:15:00.000-07:00

I had dinner the other day with my pal at Stir Crazy and as always I was so excited about my fortune cookie message. I always have the great ones! Before I read it my pal said,"you have to eat the cookie or your fortune won't come true". I cracked it open....and BAM I had such an amazing message that read, "Your dearest dream is coming true". So you already know I ate that cookie like a starving child. Everyone knows that my dream is to find my way back home.

Perhaps this is confirmation....

Fitting Room Fits!

2011-09-26T11:12:00.000-07:00

"O.M.G, I wish I was adopted, maybe I would have rich parents and they would buy me an iPad 2". What?! Oh, you already know I was annoyed by that comment. I was in the fitting room at Forever 21 (don't ask how I got in there LOL), and I overheard the sales associates chatting about all these things they want for Christmas. That's when this dude whined about wishing he was adopted. I know he meant no harm by it, but how many people REALLY know how it feels to be adopted? Close to none. It is something people do not speak about, you know, the BIG secret we live with. So, here is my point, to those that are not adopted, please do not say such foolish things; to those that are adopted, it is important that we speak out how we feel as adoptees. No one can read our minds as much as we want them to. This is why we should attend adoptee gatherings, rallies, triad groups, heck blog about it, tell your home girls and home boys how you feel. You know words travels. Now let me go before I throw another fit.

Love,

Muzik

What Kind of Adoptee Are You?

2011-09-24T12:43:00.000-07:00

Source: Adopted The Comic

Ungrateful Daughter: One Black Girl's Story of Being Adopted into a White Family...That Aren't Celebrities

2011-09-23T08:43:00.000-07:00

ABOUT THE SHOW

Angelina Jolie, Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman and Madonna have adopted black children. How could it not be good? Should you go pick one up? Especially after you see their faces on TV looking so sad? “Ungrateful Daughter”, Lisa Marie’s riveting solo show, examines being a black girl adopted into a white family and how all that relates to these celebrity crazes, the Haitian and Ethiopian ‘orphans’ and the myth of colorblind love.

In the early 1970’s Lisa Marie is adopted by a couple seeking an “Asian-mix” baby and end up with a little black girl whose racial identity is hidden by the adoption agency. Funny and sharp, it is a story that thrusts us into the complicated racial knots of being a transracial adoptee that are so hard to untangle. Especially when your family doesn’t see you as black.

In a rush of electrifying story-telling, spoken word poetry and hilarious, unexpected characterizations, Lisa Marie reveals a sometimes disturbing story that makes clear what it’s like to attend an almost exclusively white, private elementary school; expresses her fierce love for her conservative, Republican, Christian, organic farmer parents and her clashes with the new group of liberal, well- meaning, white adoptive parents that strain her patience–over and over again. Infused with a gentle sense of humor as well as a seething rage, Lisa Marie wonders if she will ever heal from the secrets, stolen histories and unknowns she and so many other adoptees share.

ter”, Lisa Marie’s riveting solo show, examines being a black girl adopted into a white family and how all that relates to these celebrity crazes, the Haitian and Ethiopian ‘orphans’ and the myth of colorblind love (A Birth Project).

Go and support this if you are in the area. Heck, see it for me because I am dying to see it. I wish I was on the West coast to catch this.

Shout Out to Melissa Green for Being by 200th Blog Follower

2011-09-22T14:32:00.000-07:00

Melissa is a former art student going off to pursue her dreams as an aspiring policy wonk. She is usually working, watching C-SPAN in her spare time, listening to NPR, going on adventures, and spending WAY too much time on twitter. She loves bright colors, typography, reading about senate procedure, napping, good design, and book arts. Last year she did a book project about being adopted -- something she generally doesn't talk about much (see project here). She blogs occasionally at Melissa Green Bean and HogaFish.

I met Melissa on Twitter a few weeks ago through another adoptee. Got to love Twitter! Her support as been more than amazing RT (re-tweeting) my thoughts about my journey as well as my blog post. This is what support is all about. There is nothing more amazing than someone believing in your journey and actively supporting it. I have been blessed to meet so many amazing adoptees from all walks of life. Please be sure to follow Melissa's Twitter and and read about her life as an adoptee.

To show my gratitude to Melissa as my 200th follower and supporter of Which Way Is Home, she has won a $25 gift certificate to Amazon. Stay tuned for the 250th follower giveaway. The prize will be a $25 gift certificate, t-shirt and bracelet from Which Way Is Home and The Beautiful Struggle.

Thank you all that support my journey. May all of your dreams come true!

And remember, YOU have the power to make change!

Calling All Adoptee Bloggers

2011-09-21T13:20:00.000-07:00

What up my adoptee loves! I know, I know, we spend a lot time thinking we do not have a voice, no one will understand us, or where can I be heard. Well guess what?!

YOU CAN BLOG AND BE HEARD

The great thing about blogging is that you can say how you feel like a personal journal and get your feelings out. You can decide your audience and most importantly...YOU CAN BE HEARD. You no longer have to feel like no one is listening, because there are many adoptees in cyberworld that are just a click away.

I have found so much support and many answers to my feelings from my blog audience that is comprised of adoptees, adoptive parents, first parents, psychologist, social workers, and much more.

I have a blog roll (labeled The Good Juice) on my blog that you should check out. If you have a blog and you are not on my blog roll leave me a comment and I will be sure to add you. Also, please write if you are an adoptee, adoptive parent, first parent, etc. I am in the process of reorganizing it.

Let your voice be heard.

Love,

Muzik

Muzik's Book Review: Mysteries of Eva Miller Revealed

2011-09-19T11:36:00.000-07:00

The Mysteries of Eva Miller Revealed is one of the most inspirational books I have read. This book is the first adoptee related book I have read. It was very comforting to read a book that similarly mirrored my life. I knew a bit about Eva's life through Twitter and Facebook; however, now having the insight by reading about her life I see we struggled the same on some levels. That brought comfort to my life. A feeling I have had deep inside, Eva expressed in her book saying, " If this was my real family, I would not feel this way". I knew exactly what she meant by that. As adoptees we all struggle with that at some point. It was comforting to see someone was bold enough to write about it because many people do not know how we truly feel as adoptees. Eva mentions a point in her life when she was growing into herself and realized that she looked nothing like her adoptive father no matter how he tried to convince her. That is another situation that us adoptees face. How many times are we convinced by others that we have the same this or that as our adoptive family, and we know we look nothing alike.

Overall, this book is great. I share this book with many people I meet because it is inspirational. You definitely do not have to be an adoptee to read to this book. I recommend this book to anyone that has struggled in their life and dreams of being better or beating any addiction they may be facing. I recommend this book to a woman that is facing adversity and needs a role model to show you that you can do it too. Throughout Eva's book she experienced many situations chapter after chapter from her family and her personal life that could have kept her down, but she dreamed of creating a better life for herself and pressing on. Eva shows that sometimes you have to lose it all to find out how strong you are and who you are. That is what really inspired me about her book. Another thing I found very important in her book was having the ability to trust again after many people have let her down. How many times have people let us down and we shut them out. It's like shutting the door on your blessings. It was beautiful to see when Eva met her fiance SirTavion in the club years ago that he saved her life. At the point of her life she could have blocked him out of her life, but after some time he helped shape her into the beautiful woman she is today. As adoptees we tend to push people away and question their motives, but she made a powerful move by allowing him to grow with her and stand by her. It reminded me that not all people are bad people. Sometimes we have to reach out to get help.

At the end of her book, its saddened me and I was surprised to see what her brother did to her, but I know that as long as we have our faith that Eva has receive the best gift that a person can ever have, and that is changing lives. I am confident that she will inspire people from all walks of life with her story. If you think you are going through whatever it is you are going through alone, think again, Eva has been there before and had conquered it. Eva will remind you that you are in control of your future. You have the keys to drive in the direction you want to be in.

This book is an easy read and I would recommend it to anyone between the ages of 18 and up. I recommend 18 only because of some of the experiences Eva struggle with. Other than that, read with an adult, I would recommend this book to someone that is 16 and older. I look forward to her second book I hear she is working on. Best wishes to all that read her book!

To read about the author Eva Miller, please click on the link below.

Eva Miller Speaks

Eva's Twitter

To purchase her book click here. Thank you for your support.

Adoptee Love

Author: Thomas Brooks- A Wealth of Family

2011-09-16T11:04:00.000-07:00

This week I received my newest book by an adoptee from the author himself Thomas Brooks, titled A Wealth of Family -An Adopted Son's International Quest for Heritage, Reunion, and Enrichment. A friend of a friend of Facebook mentioned Mr. Brook's story and how inspirational he was; I had to find out more. I located Mr. Brooks on Facebook, messaged him about who I was, and sent him a friend request. He was so kind enough to send me a copy of his book. I am four chapters in and cannot put the book down. I am eager to see how his life has shaped him into the man he is today.

Please be sure to check out his book A Wealth of Family on Amazon today. He has great reviews and many people have already cosigned him on Facebook. His book is for all ages. He is an inspiration in many different facets, from the 'hood' to college, to searching for the truth and life as a family man.

Stay tuned to my book review when I complete it. And believe me it will be soon.

Adoptees supporting adoptees

Adopted and Fostered Adults of the African Diaspora (AFAAD)

2011-09-14T13:55:00.000-07:00

It is that time again adoptee and fostered adults! This November will be the 4th Annual Gathering of Adopted and Fostered Adults of the African Diaspora: Recovering Our Connections. This event will be held Nov. 11th-November 13th, 2011 in Seattle, WA.

The theme of our 2011 Gathering is “Recovering Our Connections”. The AFAAD Gathering is not your typical formal conference. It is a gathering for adoptees and foster care alumni only connect, get educated, have discussions and create community. The sessions are structured in a way to provide space for us to share our diverse experiences, discuss strategies for living a whole healthy life, provide opportunities for activist work, to make connections with others like ourselves, to provide safe room for joys, anger, memory and most of all – healing. (AFAAD)

About the Annual AFAAD Gathering:

AFAAD holds an annual Gathering for adoptees and foster care alumni of African descent. The purpose of our annual Gatherings are to make connections, network, provide healing space, and to celebrate the diversity of our amazing diaspora of transracial, international, domestic adoptees and foster care alums. The Gathering is a weekend of discussion, sharing research, workshops and informational sessions about the personal and the global politics of adoption and its impact on the global black community. During the weekend we also take time for strategic planning of long-term goals of AFAAD as a social justice and community support organization. AFAAD Gathering is for adoptees and foster care alumni only, with one public education event open to the general community.

All of this amazing work is run by volunteers and donations. Please help us as we continue to provide this powerful educational and healing event for adoptees and foster care alumni and the larger adoption and foster care community (AFAAD).

Please help us to help others today: Donate here.

Special thanks to Lisa Marie Rollins for all of her great work in educating adoptees and fostered adults. Please visit her website AFAAD for the latest news on the AFAAD conference and support her amazing work in The Birth Project.

Love always,

Muzik

Interrogate This!

2011-09-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

"How could you do this to me?"

"Was I not good enough?"

"How selfish could you be?

"You should have never had me if you could not care for me!"

I found myself in a rather odd place today thinking about the day I meet my biological mom. People ask me all the time what I would say to her if I were to ever meet her, and I simply answer "I would not be mad; I just want to be in her life; I just want to be with my mom". Well let's just say it hit me different today. All I could think of is when that day comes, I want to sit her down and interrogate her and get answers! I had it all dramatized in my mind like something off of Law & Order or Criminal Minds. I want to pound my hands down on the metal desk, scream, and when she is lying, grab her my her shirt and demand the truth! I was planning on getting in her face and screaming out all of these questions.

I got angry and hurt rather quickly I must say.

A part of me wants to be angry and scream at her for all the pain I have endured in my life. Living from home to home, to the streets, jail, abuse, I could go on, but I am thankful for my relationship with God for helping me find the peace in my life to not want to lash out on her. I try to look at the whole situation as no one winning and we all are hurting. As I always say, I just cannot see a mother giving up her child to adoption and not feel hurt about it. They may not show it, but I know deep inside they are hurting just as we are as adoptees, just in another way (I am expecting to catch hell for this). I am constantly reminded "life is too short"; therefore, I should not keep contentious heart. Now, that does not mean I am not entitled to feel as I do from time to time, it just means that I have to look at the bigger picture. I wonder if I will ever really get all the answers, the truth! We all know how people are, they just tell you what they want to tell you. However, I am really curious to know what happened because my adoptive mom told me she was going through it. I have thought over the past year or so to start writing questions in a note book or a file on my computer of everything I want to ask her if we ever meet, but I have yet to really take my mind to a place where I could see her and I face to face.

Overall, I pray for myself daily that when the day comes I will be in a place of peace. I also hope that my level of maturity is where it needs to be, an adult. I think no matter how old we are, facing our lives as adoptees, we will always have this sense of child-like tendencies that will cause us to be super emotional, lash out, and want to fight (not to say adults do not do this), but you get it. Right? Right. I pray I can love on her and accept her as my mom...mom number two. No one being better than the other. I guess we will see when if ever that day will come. Until then, I need to go meditate and shake this feeling.

Peace,
Muzik

Million Dollar Adoptee Question

2011-09-07T11:14:00.001-07:00

Do you know who you are?

Hello, My Name Is:

2011-09-06T13:23:00.000-07:00

Hello, my name is Muzik, and you are? Who? Wait, I thought your name was....

Adoptees, ahhhhhh adoptees. Yes, we often have two or three names. Your biological fam names you, then your adoptive parents names you, and then YOU name YOU. That is the story of my life. So in the beginning they created Jessenia Gonzales(z), then then they created Milagros (which means Miracle in English, then they created Jessenia Adriana Gonzales(z). My adoptive fam added Adriana as my middle name to give me something of my mom to remember her by? I think that was the story to that. There was a lot of first name to middle name floppin'. I remember growing up and everyone including my fam jackin up my name! Oh I used to be livid over it. Everyone would mispronounce or misspell my name. In my head I would be like "Yo, how do ya'll not know my name or know how to spell it"! Some documents spelled my first name with a Y,D,J or a G and some spelled my last name as Gonzales or Gonzalez. It was always a blur and when I would inquire about the differences I would get some random and answer so I said just said, "You know what, FORGET IT"! I will give my own self a name. At first I settled on "X" for the unknown following the steps of Malcom X, but I knew that my people would not be having that; therefore, I settled on Jae to keep it short. Hell, you cannot mess that up. You would have to be a dummy to do that. But that name really did not fit me it was too boring. However, for the purpose of my family finding me, I made my websites and videos with my name.

Since I was five years old I was making noise. I was blowing out of the clarinet at five, then I had guitar lessons at seven, and by punishment I learned to play the Tuba. I was always the girl on the block dancing around like I had ants in pants as my family would say, and listening to music. A couple of my musical friends as I would call them growing up would call me The Sound of Music. So we joked around and Muzik it became. It was not until I reached my teens that I started to really go by it by the general public. But it fit. So I said AWAY with Jessenia. The name aggravates me. This might sound terrible, but I feel like it is not me. That is what they the biological's named me. It makes me think, how can someone that does not even know me name me? I am at the point in my life where I do not even care about my a name. Just nod your head and you got my attention. I am too exhausted with the name game.

So my question to you is:

Did your name change after you were adopted? If so, would you want to go back to your birth name? Or is there another name you would like to go by?

I Think I'm Lost

2011-09-01T12:45:00.000-07:00

Eight years of searching, crying, contemplating suicide, all to find my way back home to my family. I remember about two years ago looking at myself in the mirror screaming "whyyyyyyy" in agony while nearly pulling my hair out because I could not understand what I may have done that made my mom leave me. I have yearned and prayed for this day to come, and have worked really hard to find leads just so I could have some closure, or did I want more than that? For the first time since I have started my search I have run into a new road block in my heart. Since spending the day with my adoptive mom for her birthday last month, it hit me that maybe I do not care to meet my biological mom anymore. I mean my adoptive mom is my mom, so what does it matter that some woman that gave birth to me out there is my mother. This has all taken me back because all the work I have started especially from my blog has been based on wanting to find my way back home. I thought to myself, what would everyone think? I mean, not that it mattered what people thought because this is after all my journey. But still!! Ugh. The birthday lunch I had with my mom brought a feeling over me that I never want to hurt her. My heart cries for her because I know she will never know her family or even the truth. In a way, I am all my mom has. Her husband passed when I was about seven years old. He was her everything. She has two biological kids, but she cannot connect with them like she does with me. Her and I have this sort of unspoken bond. We protect each other in a way. However, I know I have to do this. I cannot stop what I have started. There is a reason I have began doing all of this. This is something I want. I want to know the truth. I want to see where I come from and all of that. I owe it to myself to at least find out. If I choose to walk away afterward, then I am cool with that. As much as I want my adoptive mom to be happy I have to want to be happy as well. So my work continues even if I am confused about it all. I have to do this for me. Wait, do I?

Love and confusion,

Muzik

I am the Beautiful Struggle

2011-08-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen

-E. Kubler Ros

Bittersweet Birthday's

2011-08-24T11:12:00.000-07:00

I celebrated my birthday over the weekend. This time I was determined to be happy, and not let the thoughts of being adopted get in the way of my happiness. I was doing an excellent job from the minute I opened my eyes till night fell. The thoughts of my b-mom came back and tears began to fill my eyes. I can only wonder the thoughts she thinks of me not being with her, and her being able to see the beautiful person she gave birth to. It has now been 4 days since my birthday, but I still wonder what she is thinking. I really didn't care to write this post or even talk about my birthday this year, but I thought I had to post something because birthdays are such a significance when it comes to adoption talk. So hey, I am happy to celebrate another year of life. Another year to make a difference in people's lives. This year my birthday represented LOVE and LIFE. Love everyone around you and learn to forgive. Life is too short. Let go and love.

PEACE.

And as always, till the day we meet mom, I love you.

Love,

Muzik

Identity Crisis

2011-08-19T08:23:00.000-07:00

(Screams) Who am I?! I don't think I ever knew, or they ever knew. They as in everyone I grew up with or the people in my family. I have always searched to find myself and relate with someone to no avail. I was always in constant battle with my hair. Changing colors ranging from blondes, reds, browns and blacks, and even having rainbow colored hair consisting of purple, turquoise, hot pink, orange, yellow, I was skittled out! Oh yes, cannot forget the weave; yes my big head wore weave. Waterfalls, banana peels, micro-braids, twist, you name it. I was not really black if I did not wear weave, I was not white enough if I could not get my hair to lay down straight, and I was not Spanish enough if I could get my hair to slick back in a pony with my baby hairs staying put around my forehead. HAIR WARS! I had my crisis stint with makeup confusion as well. Dear Mac, please do not stab me with a lipstick for this. I wore black, blue, red, orange, burgundy, and white lipsticks. I would paint swirls on the side of my eyes. Ohhhhh yes, cannot forget that black "cat-eye" eye liner. I would mimic every race's style every season. Yet nothing really worked. I just tried to fit in without ever realizing that certain skin tones wear certain colors. I was completely ignorant of my shade of color. I felt as if I could not see my color or stand next to a foundation and be able to pick out which color was mine. I was completely oblivious to who I was. Hell, at times I almost forgot I did not look a thing like my adoptive family. I wanted so badly to keep my afro-curly locs rainbowed out, keep my piercings and funky clothing style, and listen to all the different music genres without being picked on by my peers....the black folks that is. Call it what you want, but people used to tease me saying I was a trapped in a white person's body with black girl swag. Crazy I know. As time went by I slowly starting changing my style and being more "Hollywood" I guess. Life became all about Louis Vuitton, Gucci, and Christian Louboutins, but I was never truly happy. I just wanted to be myself, not who they thought I should be because of my "exotic look" or the environment I was in.

Before I moved to Japan, I sold almost everything and gave away the rest. For the first time I felt like I was liberated from the life I let people create for me. This was the first time that I could move somewhere, follow my dreams, and no one would judge me because they didn't know me. Upon my arrival to Japan, I was mesmerized by the Japanese people. They had their own style. I mean we could argue whether or not they matched, but you clearly see they walked to their own beat. They were their own trendsetters. They dressed out their feelings; I could feel it!

Fast forward time...

I am on the plane headed back to the states and all I could think of was following my true spirit. That meant walking to my own beat whether people feel the music or not. If I want to skateboard or surf, join step teams, have piercings, pink hair, hair weave, listen to hip-hop, hang out in the hood, or lamp in mansions I am going to be free to be me. No more trying to fit the mold of a "black girl", "white girl", "Spanish girl", or however my family looks like. I know some of y'all are probably thinking I am stereotyping, but I am not here to argue that, you know what I mean. All I am saying is be you. I know as adoptee it is difficult when you do not know who you are really are. You do not know how you are supposed to act because you cannot identify. I never felt like I blended in with cliques, but today I am my own friend because I love who I am. Be free to live by your own music in your heart. I encourage to learn to identify by your own heart and not what life says you should be. Culture plays a role in who we are, but if your spirit tells you to fly then spread your wings and color your sky.

You are your own identity. Never let anyone tell you that you are going through a phase or having an identity crisis. You are beautiful just the way you are.

YOU ROCK!

Keepin' it funky,
Muzik

Happy Birthday to My Momma, My Hero

2011-08-16T12:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday it was my pleasure and honor to celebrate my mom's birthday. I woke up with the most perfect peace for the first time yesterday which was crazy in itself. I have been mentally going through so much thinking about my adoptive family, and one day meeting my biological family. Yesterday was different though. I was excited to be sliding to my mom's crib to take her out and celebrate her life.

My mom has been my hero since day one. Till this day, I still do not know how she adopted me as poor as we were. I just like to think that her heart was enough to cover the cost. Now that I older I love to reminisce on how we used to make ends meet because it makes me push harder to get where I dream of being. I remember the the good times when we would walk in the scorching Florida sun to Alberston's, a grocery store about 30 minutes away to buy cold chicken, "the day after chicken" because we did not have enough to buy today's fresh chicken and buy some macaroni salad. We treated that day as if we were eating at Ruth Chris or something. She would push me and my sister in this weird cage like red shopping cart while my grandma with Alzheimer's that was dumped on our family to watch over because she could no longer care for her self clung to my mom's arm. Mind you my mom is like 4'10 or so, imagine that. My mom is a strong little lady. She carried us all as if she was giant, but the only big about her was her heart. On the not so great times, where the times when we had no water because we had no money. We would walk 4 houses down and across the street to our neighbors house that would some times help take care of us especially when my father passed to carry those big paint buckets filled with water so we could bathe, flush the toilet, and have something to drink. There were times we had rats and roaches in our house due to those ridiculous hurricanes that tore our roof and we could not afford to have an exterminator get them out. Lord help us! Man I tell you the was one SCARY-A** time. Everything was just a mess growing up at times. But I cannot seem to ever forget how my mom would remind us to go to school, work hard, and keep praying that God provide for us. I also remember the times I would sit and teach my mom how to read English and do simple math. Those were moments that I will always cherish. To see her wanting to excel and be someone in America is beautiful. She always gave her first and her last to everyone she met. You could never miss her smile or her heart. And there were times she was helpless and I could see her pain, but I always prayed for a better tomorrow for us.

But here is where life gets different. The moment that tears instantly run down my face. The moments when how could someone adopt such amazing woman from Ecuador and bring her to the Unites States, and lock her in a basement only feeding her scraps and raping her day after day. Her brothers and father. No education, no family meals, no love, no life, no where to turn to, no one to save her. They took the only thing that meant so much to her, her dignity and this little doll that they ripped apart because she would not let them touch her again one last time....

How could they hurt my angel....my hero...my mom.

I love you momma. One day I will make sure you will smile everyday. You will never work again. You will the life as a queen. I pray that your pain will go away, and no one will ever hurt you again...

Can You Feel My Pain?

2011-08-09T15:13:00.000-07:00

Adoption triggers seven lifelong or core issues for all triad members, regardless of the circumstances of the adoption or the characteristics of the participants:

1. Loss

2. Rejection

3. Guilt and Shame

4. Grief

5. Identity

6. Intimacy

7. Mastery/control

[Source: Adopting.org]

How many of you have experienced the feelings listed from 1-7? Please feel free to express your feelings and which number you identify with.

Who Gon' Comb My Hair Ma?

2011-08-06T10:37:00.000-07:00

It never easy being adopted by a different race or being a "transracial adoptee". Will they ever understand our hair?

"Oww Oww OWWWWWW! Stop mommy!". "Sienta te!" My mom yelled telling me to sit down. Man the pain of growing up, and no one understanding how to do your hair. My best friend down the street from me was a white female that had brown long hair, styled, cut, and colored her hair every which way on the planet. I wanted to be just like her. I just wanted to identify with someone. But who was I kidding. I was not white. I had far from straight hair. I remember wanting to cut my hair really short into a bob like my best friend, but my mom told me no. I begged and begged, but she warned me that I did not have hair like hers and it will end up in a big afro. After 1000 "please mommy's" she gave in. Oh crap, was I a dummy for that move. Let's just say it was the worst looking afro anyone could be rockin'. I should have listened, but I just wanted to look like I belonged. I did not understand I was different. I was so confused growing up. I remember when I was old enough to make my own money I walked to a salon when I was 14-15 and asked them to put a relaxer in my hair to straighten it and the woman looked at me and said, "I'm sorry honey, but we do not style your type of hair". I was like "huh, what"? I left upset walking out of there and not understanding what in the heck all that just meant except my hair was NOT going to be straight. Talk about a disappointment.

My adoptive family is Hispanic, and has straight to wavy fine hair. Whereas, I have crazy curly hair. I was teased for years in school because I did not know how to do much with my hair. Let's be real...who wants to be a teen with barrettes, braids, and beads all over your head everyday, or have your hair drenched in slimy baby oil so the curls do not dry out. This was the time when identity meant everything to me. Anytime I tried to imitate a style in went wrong; it poofed out into an afro. It was not until I got older that I was able to have my own money and free to try every product on the shelf. I went from the white flakes, to crunchy hair, to poofy hair....you name it, it happened.

While thinking about writing this post I began to do some research. That is when I came across this shirt and found that many white families that adopted black or bi-racial kids were struggling to do their child's hair and helping them understand why their hair was not like theirs. While researching, I ran across this article in the Chicago Tribune:

In the African-American community, the significance of hair cannot be underestimated, a source of either self-esteem or self-doubt. So for white parents of black children, making sure their youngsters are well-coiffed is as much a priority as good nutrition and potty training.

This idea of having a workshop to teach white families how to care for their adopted child's hair deserves a standing ovation. I wish there was something like this around in my time growing up. Because there is nothing that I hate more then to be walking in the mall and see a white family that has adopted a black child and their hair look a hot mess! I just want to run up to them and tell them to give me a call so I can do their hair. I feel like they are already setting the child up to be ridiculed. But what would they know, they just want to love their child and I do not blame them. However, it is important to never neglect the future of the child and to start thinking about their interest. Just to keep it real.

NOW, WHO GON' COMB MY HAIR!

Combing my hair,
Muzik

DENIED: Adoptee Rights Demonstration 2011

2011-07-28T10:12:00.000-07:00

Why is "Denied" stamped on my picture? Most adopted adults in the United States are denied access to their original birth certificates (OBCs). The Adoptee Rights Coalition is leading a demonstration in San Antonio on August 8th to bring this to the attention of lawmakers. All adults should have legal access to government paperwork that pertains to them. It's about equality. - Kara Olsen Theiding

Are you on Facebook and interested in joining us fight click: Take a stand

Adoptee Rights Coalition

Unseen Hearts

2011-07-27T08:58:00.000-07:00

"See, I'm adopted". I reply, "No way, so am I...wow God has a funny way of bringing people together. It's music".

As many people know, I have taken a break from social media sites to focus more on what is going on in my heart, and dealing with my adoption issues and healing. Along with a host of smaller little everyday issues that consume our lives.

Yesterday, I was preparing to do an outdoor training session even though I did not want to do anything, but my heart kept calling me to go outside and handle my business. The day before, I was reading an excerpt from Discovering Joy In Your Creativity, an inspirational book that I have been reading daily. The excerpt I read was about healing through nature and God's creations. It reminded me how much peace I find when I connect with the music outside. From the birds, to the wind, to people playing music, everything around has a sound of music. That reminder reminded me that I need to go outside today to workout. As I jogged, I was thinking of how God does everything for a reason, from our situations to people because he is trying to speak to us. I kept this message in my mind as I jogged.

The next part of my workout was in a grocery store parking lot. I seen this young man walk up and sit on a ledge. I could not help but wonder what he was doing there. As I did my jumping jacks and toe-taps my eyes kept peering over just to see what he was doing. Not long after he approached me with this crazy orange lizard. Immediately I told him to stay back because I have a phobia with lizards. He put him down behind him and we began to talk. The conversation unfolded rather quickly. In less than five minutes, I learned about a journey that reminded me very much of my own. It seemed when he introduced himself to me he immediately divulged he was adopted. Instantly he captured my attention. He went on to express his love for life, poetry, and hip hop. At that point I got silent and thought about God's work. It is like, what the odds of me meeting someone that was adopted, into music and spoken word, and had a rough time growing up like me. I just thanked God for that moment. A "meant to be" moment. I admired his passion for life to keep rising through life's adversities. As we chatted it up he told me his "rap/poetry" name is Unseen. I began to think in that moment so many of our hearts are unseen to the average person, but to people that are connected through a struggle, our hearts seem to be displayed ever so fragile, yet placed in position to tell someone "It is okay, you can talk to me; I got your back". He began to freestyle and I just stood there and vibed in awe of his journey and they way he was able to deliver lyric after lyric. I felt like I could feel his pain in his lyrics. He told me he grew up having a difficult time identifying with people because he felt he was different. He is black and white (which is hard enough growing up) and then being adopted by a white family, that he loved very much they just did not understand him. I did not find that to be of any surprise because I almost could not put my finger on where he was from as I normally can with people. He had features that I could tell made him mix, especially his bright blue-grey eyes, yet he spoke a different way, and had an free spirit. It is like me, people guess a million thoughts of my nationality and where I come from because I am so different.

Being different and not identifying with anyone is enough to give anyone a life time of headaches. For Unseen, he said he felt out of place from his family's biological kids; however, he felt close to his other siblings that were adopted as well. I found that to be normal. Who better to understand us then people like us.

As we wrapped our link up, it was so dope that he connected through music like I have since I was a child. Since I was 5 I have been playing music and I remember getting yelled at to go outside and play because I was making "noise". I hated it. Since when was music noise? It was my gate way to surviving. Nothing else mattered when I would play any instrument. I can't help to think that my oldest sister that use to curse me out for playing or singing was just jealous. She grew up playing too, but I just happen to be better and practiced harder. As I have grown up, I have turned to music for understanding life. Music speaks a universal language of love and understanding. It heals. It bring so many people together. It was amazing to see Unseen felt the same way as I.

The unseen heart never dies...follow the music it is time to fly.

Love Is Love,

Muzik

Muzik's Thoughts: Adoptee Murders Mom in Florida

2011-07-22T08:05:00.000-07:00

My daily routine begins with reading current events. Today, I came across an article that reads Son Charged With Killing Adoptive Mom Who Tried to Save Him. Immediately all I could think of is "Really?! Was it necessary to throw in the 'adoptive mom' part". It should have read, "Son Charged With Killing Mom...". The incident took place Tuesday, July 19, 2011; I first read about it in The Palm Beach Post yesterday. I cannot recall the headline yesterday; however, I do know that it did not have the same title as it has today. It did mention that the son, Gerard Belmonte was not her biological son, but it concentrated more on her adopting him because her uncle, Belmonte's father committed suicide when he was 10 years old in Guyana. In today's article it is depicted as an "adoptee kills his mom", instead of "son kills mom". I have a problem with this for a couple of reasons:

1. Gerard Belmonte is her "son", not her "adopted son".

2. Here goes the media again defaming adopted children and foster care kids again (hmph, what's new).

Who is the media to label Gerard as her adopted son when I am sure she saw him as her son, blood son at that, as any other adoptive parent would think of their child they have adopted. My mom never went around galavanting around to the public that I was her adopted daughter; I was just her daughter, period. Secondly, as I mentioned in the beginning of this post that yesterday's news heading mentioned nothing about an adoptee killing his mom. I understand it is the media's job to make a story newsworthy; however, at whose expense is this? People like me, like you. Youth that will be never adopted out of foster care because of ignorant folks that give us a distasteful name by painting a picture to society that we are troubled children, and I say that in best of terms because to many people as I have written before they think we are the devil's children. And I mean that when I say that. People already do not want to adopt older children as it is, no matter how great the need is. Prospective adoptive parents are afraid to deal with adopting teens or pre-teens because of how they are depicted having emotional problems, anger issues, and a slew of other things. All these kids want is a home. Hel-lo, is that too much to ask? It just sickens me that the media does crap like this. Get on your grind a find a new story line you dummies.

On a heart felt note, my prayers and condolences go out to Natalie Ann Belmonte and family. Bless

Muzik's thoughts.

Guest Blogger: Author Rob Cornell

2011-07-13T08:21:00.000-07:00

Everybody’s Adopted

Written by: Rob Cornell

When I was sixteen, two of my close friends and I ran away from home. My buddy Chris volunteered his car as the escape vehicle. We packed and headed south. We had some notion we could work in the Florida orange groves.

We made it as far as Cleveland before turning back.

Growing up, I always had that urge, a sort of wanderlust, with a conviction that someplace out there existed where I Belonged.

I certainly didn’t belong where I was.

Because I was adopted.

I used to have fantasies as a kid that I’d come from another planet, full of people who thought like me, understood my feelings. An ideal home, with ideal parents. If only I had not been sent away to this strange planet.

My dad was an electrical engineer. He designed switches. That was his specialty.

Switches.

When I showed an interest in drawing comic books and cartoons, my dad tried to relate by calling himself a cartoonist just like me. Somehow, in his world, Spider-Man and a schematic for a button to activate your cruise control were crime-fighting brothers.

I shouldn’t make fun. He meant well. But it was one example of the gap between Them and Me.

The gap.

Because I was adopted.

While I yearned to move away, I never much desired to find my birth parents. I get asked a lot if I wonder what they’re like. I did; I do. But that route never felt like the way to go—even after I grew up and admitted finding them wouldn’t require renting a rocket ship.

Eventually, I did get away. First to college, then all the way across the country to Los Angeles.

I loved LA. Living on my own forced me to grow up. And I learned I actually liked talking to Mom when there was 2000 miles between us. We spoke on the phone often. And we didn’t argue so much, either.

Eventually, I moved to Chicago. There I finally found that elusive circle of like-minded friends. Other writers I met while getting my BA in Fiction Writing from Columbia college.

Trips home were easier. So my wife and I made more of them. Slowly, my relationship with my parents changed. Especially with Mom. I had gone nearly twenty years without telling her I loved her. I finally did, and meant it.

Then Mom got sick. Ovarian cancer. She had a football-sized tumor removed in surgery. We didn’t know if she would make it. But she beat the odds.

My wife and I left Chicago to move in with my parents so we could help take care of Mom. The surgery had knocked down one of the strongest women I’d ever known.

Living with your parents as an adult can test even the strongest of parental bonds. We had our disagreements. Our arguments. One with Dad that got me so mad, I had to leave the house and walk it off.

But we survived. Our relationship survived.

I was still adopted, but I had learned to accept my parents in spite of our differences.

Last year, Mom died. The cancer came back and got the better of her. It tore me apart. My only comfort is that we finally closed the gap between us. I could tell her I loved her and feel how much I meant it. Yet it kills me that I didn’t have more time with her after things got better.

My experiences with my parents have informed the way I relate with my kids. They are not adopted. The poor runts have my blood running through their precious veins. Nevertheless, I know how important the bond between parent and child is. I love my kids to death, and I make sure they know it every day.

I have my fears, though.

What if they grow up and stop telling me they love me?

What if they feel like the aliens dropped from the sky?

What if they feel like they were adopted?

I suppose that’s why so many stories I write explore the relationship between parents and their kids…

A son who left home because he didn’t want the life his parents expected him to lead, only to return after their murder, the heir to millions.

A father who had done all he could to protect his teen daughter from the kinds of mistakes he made at her age, only to get that dreaded knock on the door in the middle of the night.

A ex-government agent forced to leave behind the woman he loved when his ID was compromised, only to have a teen girl show up at his door fifteen years later claiming she’s his daughter.

Again and again, I tinker with my issues as a son and father through fictional people who have troubles far worse than I ever have.

Strangely, enough, adoption plays a role in only one of my novels so far. But it doesn’t matter. I’ve realized something after all this time.

Everybody is adopted.

Or, at least, everyone has felt that way at one time or another.

I am adopted.

But I also know that I was loved, just as much as I now love my own kids.

Rob Cornell, author of Last Call, Red Run, and Darker Things.

Keep up with Rob on http://rob-cornell.com/

Twitter: www.twitter.com/RobCornellBooks

Muzik's Thoughts: It's Time to Be Pro-Active

2011-07-09T16:10:00.000-07:00

Crying in the mirror wondering when the day will be that we will meet, I hold my head up high and say FAITH! For adoptees that only have non-identifying information or nothing at all, the only thing to do is stand by faith and not give up. This does not mean that we wait till our family magically appears at our front door or that we will get that phone call that will change our lives. What it means is that faith without works is dead! We have to do everything in our power to network, use our resources, and speak out. The time is now to get up, search, file your case on adoption websites, and get creative. The more active we are in our search the closer we are to reaching the answers and our way back home. Think I am just talkin'? Nope. Do the research. Social media has been the biggest aid in adoption reunion. Where we were once separated by 6 degrees is becoming less and less; we are living in a shrinking world. You can Google and find that many reunions have taken place through Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Myspace, and others posting on social media pages. The time is now to register to every social media site, and put your story on the map. You never know who is listening or watching.

So what are you waiting for?

Love,

Muzik

Royalties Not Fit For a Chick Like Me?

2011-07-01T07:01:00.000-07:00

"You? Adopted?! You have to be kidding. You look like you would be like a Beyonce and have some ball player famous boy friend and live in a mansion". Umm what? This is what a guest of mine said at my night job. As he sat down he immediately began to express how he had such a hard day at work, he was a teacher, and teaches at a TITLE I school in other words, he was saying he teaches in a school with a bunch of bad poor kids. Immediately I already knew where this was going. I almost became defensive, but I let my guard down and did my job even though I wanted to chew him up and spit him out. He went on to explain how terrible those type of kids are, and that they need people that really care to help them. At that point I opened up and began to tell him about the work I do as a advocate. Immediately his demeanor changed and he screeched "you need to teach at our school; you would be perfect"! I smiled my big smile as usual and thanked him for the compliment. As our conversation progressed we began to talk about why the children act they way they do, and we backed up our theories with psychological theories. He was more and more intrigued by my knowledge and drive. At that point I let him in on my little secret..."I'm a child from the system". This is when he really woke up. His eyes opened really wide and he went on and on thinking I was making this all up. He said, "how is that possible? You speak so well. And then this is when the whole "Beyonce-ball player" comment came out. I laughed and asked him "what does the face of a child of the system look like"? He kept stuttering through his statement in awe. I am looking at him like an idiot to be honest. Let's be honest, just because you are in foster care or adopted does not mean you should look like a child of Satan. Which brings me to this point. Society has painted such an ugly picture on how foster care kids and adoptees look. From the news to the movies. It is everywhere. It is not till we see movies such as The Blind Side that we begin to see a positive message. And as anything else, "only in the movies...". He put such a bad taste in my mouth, but I could not finish my side of the conversation without correcting his perceptions. After that my job was done. He wanted to continue the conversation, but I made myself busy and asked my co-worker to tend to him. Sadly, this has not been the first time I have heard ignorant talk from folks before. My thoughts about the face of adoptees and foster care is simple...there is no such a face. If we would put away our stereotypes and perceptions about the youth, we would be able to educate them better and give them a positive outlook. Youth in the system have suffered enough. I am tired of people saying "Do you know what you are getting into by helping those kids?" Who are "those" kids? They did not ask to be abandoned once, twice,...10 plus times. They just want a home. They want a future. If it means that people like me have to be an advocate for them to show the world that we are just as human and share the same type of blood, then I am on it. It is time we make a change of mind.

To change a life is true royalty...

Give them a chance,

Muzik

Vote For One of My Amazing Supporters Today!

2011-06-26T15:05:00.000-07:00

JALISSA MEREDITH

Miss Black Illinois USA 2011

I am the DREAM of …
Thousands of African-American Foster Children and Adoptees

College: B.A.- Mass Communication, magna cum laude graduate, Grambling State University. Currently a graduate student at Roosevelt University; M.S. in Integrated Marketing Communications.

Jalissa is also an adoptee and active in the adoptee and adoption community. I had the honor of meeting her over the phone when she called into the radio show I was featured on, "The New Generation of Adoptees". Her story touched me as she asked my advice on contacting her biological sister. Her love and support throughout my journey has been a blessing. Jalissa definitely deserves our support today. What better way to promote and advocate adoptee rights then through her. I am confident she will change many lives with her journey.

5 more weeks to vote everyone and we need your help today! Please continue to vote for Jalissa, for the Miss Black USA People's Choice Award. It cost $1 dollar per vote. You can vote as many times as possible. Let's get Jalissa, an adoptee that's a part of our family to the #1 spot!

LINK TO VOTE!

Love always,

Muzik and Jalissa

Adopted and Ashamed

2011-06-25T07:23:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago I started a new job. I was surrounded with people who knew nothing about me except that I was "pretty, tall, and funky" as they would joke around and say. They would always compliment my style and the way I spoke so intelligently. It was a matter of time before they wanted to know more about me. As the weeks passed they began to ask more about my background and my family. They asked where my parents were from, where did I get my height from, where did I get my "exotic" look from, my parents education, etc. They were so eager to know more about me I found myself excited and I wanted to impress them. It was a strange moment. I normally do not get excited about situations as such, but this time it was different. It was a new state, new city, new job, new potential friends. I did not want them to feel pity for me if I really told them about my history and my journey. I lied to them. I did not stand up proudly and say "I am adopted" as I normally would, and then start advocating for adoptees. This time I spoke as if my adoptive family was my family (even though they are) and that I grew up affluent when Lord knows we were poor. I lied about where I got my looks and height from and all that. For that moment I did not want to ruin the excitement by saying "I am adopted", because Lord know we all know how people look at us like we are hopeless children. I laughed and carried on with them and walked away in shame. In my mind I was so pissed and ashamed of myself and my actions. Just for that moment, I did not want to be adopted. I wanted to be me.

Signed,
The Beautiful Struggle

Another Dope Song: Dear Mom, Would You Keep Me, Or Would You Throw Me Out?

2011-06-24T06:28:00.000-07:00

"Adoption Is The New Pregnant"

2011-06-14T17:34:00.000-07:00

Whoa! I was on my Facebook page and on the right side of the page appeared a Facebook group titled "Adoption Is The New Pregnant". Talk about feeling queasy. I had a moment afterwards. I did not know how to feel to be honest. I mean I am pro-adoption and all; however, to promote it on a t-shirt in that manner is quite vile I must say. I support adoption because it gives a child a home or a chance to be stable, but in the way this is depicted makes me feel like it is a trending topic on Twitter. I immediately Googled "Adoption Is The New Pregnant" just to see what other groups were out there like this. Well lets just say there was a lot of hate messages on this. Whew, glad I am not alone. Many adoptees have written emails to companies that featured and sold these shirts. In conclusion the shirts were removed! THE END.

To read more about what people were saying click on this link

Adoption Is The New Pregnant. All 63 of the comments are very interesting.

How does this shirt make you feel?

Love,

Muzik

Break These Chains

2011-05-30T06:56:00.000-07:00

Thoughts of an Adoptee: Facebook Stalking Momma's

2011-05-24T14:53:00.000-07:00

Soooooo..... I always wonder if my biological mom could be reading my blog, following me on Twitter, or even be my friend on Facebook.

I meet and speak to an array of people on all of my social media sites everyday. Some of the characters I know and some are just cyber friends with common interest or goals. However, the one thing that comes to my mind on the daily is if my biological mom is chillen right under my nose reading what I post and asking me questions about my life as I search for her. I always wonder if there is someone in cyberland disguised as so-and-so and is really my mom fishing for info. I remember recently I met this woman on my Facebook that reached out to me about finding her daughter and how she should approach her when she did find her. The crazy thing about it was that at first glance her last name was very similar to my birth last name. You could only imagine how anxious I became. However, after having small talk with her on Facebook inbox and chat, I realized she was in fact searching for her daughter. Then, just yesterday I was looking at the people that follow my blog and follow on Networked blogs and I seen that there was a woman that is following me with a first name Adriana and last name Iris. I was like O-M-G! I thought that could have been my mom. Even though my mom's name is first name Adriana and middle name Iris. I immediately clicked on her profile and followed it from link to link; I do not think it was her though. Something else I will share with you is the fact that many "natural mothers" hit me up on Facebook, email, and Twitter saying they have found their child and have created fake profiles befriending them in hopes to gain further information about their child and to see what their life is like. In a sense it helps them feel closer to them (understandable). I know it may sound a bit stalker-ish to some, but I think if I was a mom or daughter searching I would do the same thing. I am not even going to front on that tip. I suppose that is the beauty of the cyber-world, you can be who you want to be. I have found out that it works though. Real reunions are made that way. Now, I have heard the back-end of the stories from adoptees and some are really pissed off about it. They feel like it is an invasion of privacy. But at the end of the day, many adoptees and parents that are searching are desperate and willing to do whatever it takes to be close to their loved ones.

What do you think? Would you ever cyber-stalk to be close to the person you are searching for?

How would you feel if you knew your birth parent was cyber-stalking you?

Talk to you soon,

Muzik

Waaaaaait! Before We Die We Just Want to Know the Truth

2011-05-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

[Photo credit: Jo Swanson]

Covenant House: A Place of Providence

2011-05-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

I Am Adopted: I Speak Out on Twitter

2011-05-12T08:41:00.000-07:00

Boys Town Washington DC

2011-05-10T13:23:00.000-07:00

Direct care services for children include four Treatment Family Homes^SM in the District, and a Foster Family Services^SMprogram that places children of all ages in safe homes in the community. The site also offers Intervention and Assessment Homes^SM that care for youth in crisis and assess their treatment needs, In-Home Family Services^SM, and Community Support Services^SM, which focus on providing Common Sense Parenting^® classes that help parents expand and improve their child-rearing skills. These services and programs touch the lives of 6,200 children and families in the District of Columbia each year.

How we can help:

Leave a Legacy – Your legacy gift will ensure your spirit of giving lives on in the life of a child.

Building a Garden of Healing and Hope – Boys Town Washington, D.C. has created a 'Garden of Healing and Hope,' which includes four walking paths that will hold 900 engraved bricks. Friends, families and alumni of Boys Town Washington, D.C. can purchase a personalized engraved brick to celebrate or memorialize life milestones. Learn more!
Strengthening Families – Our kids can’t typically afford to attend special events such as amusement parks, dining out or Redskins football games. Donate tickets to events in the community for our families to enjoy.
Donation Drives – Our biggest program expenses include typical day-to-day necessities like diapers, formula, baby wipes, toilet paper, cleaning supplies, school supplies, etc. You can contribute directly to the kids by having a donation drive.
Help-a-Child – This is your opportunity to support a single child while they stay at Boys Town. You can help by buying clothes, birthday or holiday gifts, school supplies, etc.
Help-a-Home – Each of our homes has six youth who live with a married couple and their children. Help support us by donating items such as new silverware, dishes, flowers, plants or landscaping items – anything that will help make a house a home.
In-Kind Contributions – We are in need of items that will help our kids live independently after program completion. If you have household items in good condition, give us a call.
Volunteer – Perhaps you have a special way you would like to volunteer to help our children. Use your time and talents to help a child today. Create awareness of youth issues in our community and unite with us to improve the way we care for America’s most disadvantaged and fragile citizens – abused, abandoned and neglected children. To volunteer to help children, contact Boys Town Washington, D.C. at 202-832-7343.
Pray – Your prayers are needed for the children in our own communities and all across America, and for the funds to continue to expand and help more children and families.

For more information please visit www.boystown.org

twitter.com/boystown

Happy Mother's Day. Are You Thinking of me Today?

2011-05-09T09:39:00.000-07:00

Casa Valentina: Helping Young Women Transition Successfully From Foster Care to Independet Living

2011-05-09T07:17:00.000-07:00

Casa Valentina is a non-profit organization that addresses the unique,               gender-specific needs of young women transitioning from foster care              to independent living. 

The organization was established in 2004 by a group of  concerned women who acknowledged the immense challenges faced by young  women who leave – or “age out” of – foster care at age 18 without the  life experience, financial stability and support they need to survive on  their own.  Facing numerous transitional challenges, this population of  at-risk girls is vulnerable to violence, prostitution, substance abuse,  incarceration, pregnancy, domestic violence and homelessness. 

To achieve our mission:

We provide young women in Miami-Dade County who age out of foster care with up to two years of safe and affordable housing, life skills and self-advocacy training and the support services they need to become successful, independent adults.
We engage in advocacy within the child welfare system to ensure our residents, and all transitioning foster youth, have access to the resources and services they need to achieve autonomy.
We conduct community outreach and offer education and training on critical foster care issues to create greater awareness and support for youth emerging from foster care.

 How we can help:

Make a donation
Join the visionary campaign
Contribute to the Casa Valentina Gift Card Collection
And of course...VOLUNTEER

Watch this video of the beautiful strong women of Casa Valentina 

http://www.casavalentina.org/video.html

For more information on Casa Valentina please click here

A Home Within: 510,000 Kids Currently in Foster Care

2011-05-07T05:50:00.000-07:00

510, 000 children are currently in foster care and 26,181 aged out of the foster care system without a permanent family (2006).

Volunteering for A Home Within changes lives. Starting with yours. Whatever your skill set, if you're committed to helping create stable, caring connections for foster youth, A Home Within can put your talent and energy to good use.

Who They Are:
A Home Within is a national network of volunteer mental health professionals who provide for the emotional needs of foster children. We operate 50 chapters in 25 states, with each chapter's therapists supported locally by a Clinical Director and Consultation Group Leader.

What They Do:
There are over 500,000 foster children and youth in the United States. A Home Within links foster kids with therapists who provide weekly pro-bono therapy. We are the only national organization focused solely on foster kids’ emotional needs.

How YOU Can Get Involved:
If you are a licensed therapist interested in helping foster children, you’ve come to the right place. But you don’t have to be a therapist to be a valued part of A Home Within. Donate time,money, expertise - there are many ways to make a difference.

How We Can Help YOU:
If you are in foster care, or if you ever were, A Home Within is here to help with your emotional needs. And this is the place to start.

A Home Within's website has an incredible amount of information that everyone should check out. Click here to visit A Home Within for more information.

Foster Facts

2011-05-06T05:27:00.000-07:00

54 % earned a high school diploma
2% earned a Bachelor’s degree or higher
84% became a parent often repeating the same cycle they went through
51% were unemployed
Research shows that young people in foster care are far more likely then their peers in the general population to endure homelessness, poverty, compromised health, unemployment, incarceration and other adversities after they leave the foster care system*
It is reported that 65 deaths of children in foster care occurred statewide in 2006. In 2005, 48 deaths occurred statewide.
U.S. statistics show that 50% of former foster youth will be homeless during their first two years exiting foster care

Fostercaremonth.org

Mommy When I Grow Up I Want to be Happy

2011-05-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

How relevant is is to my life. Perhaps that is why I am never understood when I speak about life.

People always want to scream about how they are mad that they were given up and throw up middle fingers to they sky to signify their anger. I come from a different neck of the woods and I am glad I was adopted regardless of the conditions I have had to live in. I come from a place where people die left and right, come up missing, and strung out on drugs and alcohol, and abuse. Just to know I am alive reminds me that I am winning even if I am alone. Being adopted was not the best thing that happened to me, but it gave me a chance to live and to inspire. It is a struggle to be happy from time to time, but it is my dream to pursue happiness. When you find happiness you have found the key to life. Always remember to be loyal to your happiness before anything else. This is your life and you deserve to smile everyday even when the cards you have been dealt have not always been in your favor.

Smile. You look better that way.

Love Muzik

Elementary Sickness. The Case of Being Different

2011-05-01T06:35:00.000-07:00

I remember all the complexities growing up being adopted. I specifically remember my first day in second grade. My sister and I are one year and four months apart. We were both in the same grade and placed in the same class. We thought how dope was that! Class was great until it was time to go, and no one was there to pick us up which was nothing new to us. My mom did not drive and worked three jobs, and my sister was responsible for us. She obviously was never on her job taking care of us. Our teacher, Mrs. P. Miller asked us both why we were standing there, and I replied, "We are waiting for our ride". Little did I know I was about to be bombarded with so many questions. She was wondering how it was such a coincidence that two students were not picked up on time. We had to explain we were sisters, except I was the one with the different last name. My adoption was not finalized until a couple years later and my last name was changed to the family name...actually the children name. My mom had a different last name from her husband and none of us had their last names. It was all a big question mark when it came to the name game. I remember Mrs. P. Miller looking at me oddly; I looked nothing like my sister, not even the slightest. I was so embarrassed I began to feel sick inside. I just wanted to turn around and vomit. I knew I did not look like my family, but I never questioned it. How was I to know I was significantly different and it being a problem. I remember her saying "Well how did they let you both be in the same class"? Before I could blink we were no longer were standing next to the pole waiting on our ride home, we were now sitting in the principal's office explaining how we were sisters, how we were not picked up, and who is going to be my new teacher. Really? Why did I have to be the one to change teachers? In the end I did a nicer teacher I must say. That whole school year it bothered me to think how people viewed my sister and I and how different we really were in the eyes of the people. I thought we were always the same. It became apparent to me that I was the odd ball. Anytime the conversation came up of my last name being different or why my hair was nappy or curly I felt that sick feeling in my stomach as it turned and turned itself into a knot. Elementary was tough when you think about it. It was a time when we were all noticing the difference in us and kids were making fun of one another. I hated it with a passion. I was the ugly duckling back then. I felt as if I was singled out from the differences in my family to just looking odd. It all revolved around the way I looked. I was not really accepted until I was able to show my skills in P.E class and music class. I was always the girl running the fastest, shooting around the court, playing my guitar, I was talented when it came to those things and I created my own world amongst that. It was then people would want to hang out with me because I was known to be the best at something. I still never fit in though. And all these years later and I still do not fit in anywhere. I am just different I suppose. I was chatting with a friend from college on Facebook chat the other night and he told me how different I really was compared to other woman and people in general. Today, I can smile and take it as a compliment, but when I think back to second grade and the elementary madness, there was nothing pretty about being different it was sickening. Today I smile at being different and I love it because it is me. I no longer give a crap about a name and how it makes us related or not. I do not even use my name anymore unless I have to. Names are just names. Be who you want to be. If I could think back to that day, I just wish Mrs. P. Miller would have been a bit more sensitive and not have make me feel like an martian.

Thanks for putting out there like that Mrs. P. Miller. I forgive you.

Just Different,

Muzik

Do You Know My Mom?

2011-04-22T12:01:00.000-07:00

Adriana Iris Gonzales

Sending you a kiss in case you see this pic of me being me (silly). Love you, till we meet again......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFF HANCOCK

2011-04-18T12:02:00.000-07:00

Jeff Hancock and Daryl McDaniels

Today I want to wish a very special man in the adoptee community that is a part of my adoptee familia a Happy Birthday! His heart and compassion for adoptees all over the world is amazing. He has helped advocate for adoptee rights for quite some time. We are so proud of you and we thank you so much!

You must read about when I first met Jeff Hancock's compassion for adoptees:

"The Necklace, I must bring emphasis on it because it is just that powerful. The necklace has the names of over 170 adoptee's on it!!!" I smile at the thought when he shared that he did not expect the people to send their stories as well as their names for the necklace. "I dont believe an adoptee can ever not tell their story, sometimes it just sounds heroic." I really wish I would have met Mr. Hancock earlier so he could have carried my name as well; however, the support and compassion this man has is a true gift and definition of the word humble. He shared these words with me via Facebook:

"Reading each story and placing names on the necklace was one of the most humbling experiences of my life. I still have it, and never will part with it, either"."

To read more about the story click here.

HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY FROM US ALL! FEEL BETTER SOON!

Tia DeShay Author of If I Only Had Five Minutes: The Last Will and Testament of a Hip Hop Poet

2011-03-31T10:28:00.000-07:00

Tune in today at 11pm on Blogtalk radio and meet Tia Deshay. You will have a chance to win an autographed copy of her book, If I Only Had Five Minutes.

Tune in here: The New Generation of Adoptees at 11pm.

Tia DeShay was an English Teacher for the Detroit Public Schools until she resigned in 2010. She is founder and Director of Hand Picked - Helping Adoptees Realize Their Self - Worth, a nonprofit organization that empowers adoptees and promotes adoption awareness. Tia DeShay resides in Southfield, Michigan and can be found hijacking your local soundwaves with a pen and a notebook. Her motto: "I Write Now so others can remember later." For book signings, career day, and speaking engagements, contact Lynn Shaw of Red V Events at redvevents@gmail.com.

Tia DeShay also has an incredible noteworthy blog I keep up with daily Hand Picked. Check it out and show your support.

Zara Phillips on The New Generation of Adoptees Radio Show

2011-03-21T10:15:00.000-07:00

Zara Phillips, author, singer, writer, mom, and adoptee, was featured on The New Generation of Adoptees, hosted by Eva Miller and Tia DeShay last Thursday. Phillips' is the author of Mother Me. Phillip's book is about her journey to motherhood from an adoptee's point of view, a memoir living as an adoptee, and describing her relationship with her adoptive family and birthmothers. Zara Phillips is also known for her song "Im Legit" collaboration with Daryl McDaniels from the popular hip hop duo Run DMC. A few great topics that Phillips shared on the radio show were:

Search reunion
What it is like for an adoptee to have a biological child
What it is like when your child does not understand you as a mother being adopted, and the feelings that may come up in the family.
Her friendship with legendary adoptee hip hop artist Daryl McDaniels and their song "I'm Legit"

I encourage you all to listen to this radio show and support The New Generation of Adoptees" radio how. Every show host a new perspective on adoption and adoptees rights, and has featured a host of key players in the adoptee community. Stay tuned for their next show, host Tia DeShay will be discussing her new poetry book release as well as giving away an autographed copy of her book.

Click below to listen to the show and to purchase your copy of Mother Me by Zara Phillips:

Zara Phillips talks about her new book Mother me 3/17/2011 - A new generation of adoptees | Internet Radio | Blog Talk Radio

Praying For Japan

2011-03-15T17:20:00.000-07:00

As many of you know I was living in Japan. I am thankful and blessed to have made it back before the quake directly affected the area I was living in. Although it was minor and not to extent of the earthquake that shook up the Northern region of Japan. To see the videos of the destruction hurts my heart. The people of Japan are the most wonderful loving people I have ever met. Their love for their culture and sharing it with Americans is amazing. I thank you all for your prayers and concern for me. I ask that you open your hearts as you did for me and extend your prayers to the people of Japan as well as donations and whatever else they ask of us as a nation. This is a time for us to unite. We see destruction around us year after year, yet we ignore the message behind it. This is a time that we realize how precious our lives are. This is a time that we realize that the next second is not promised to us. It is time we have a forgiving heart toward others and let that anger go. God has been so gracious to me to have protected me in a country that frequents earthquakes. I am closer to realizing my purpose on this earth. This is just a brief post on my life in Japan and the earthquake. I will share more at a later date.

Unite and pray for Japan. We love you Japan. Help is on the way...

Which Way is Home

2011-03-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

I still wait outside with my suitcases wandering aimlessly as cars speed by and I try to build every bit of nerve to hail down a taxi to take me home. Only problem is, which way is home? It has already been a long road full of pot holes, accidents, road blocks, right and left turns, more lefts than right just to be clear. Every day can seem like I am swimming in a flood trying to stay afloat. I keep my mind focused on the positive things in my life to keep me from drowning. Yet I cant help but wonder what home is like. I tend to find myself laughing often because I hate maps. In my search, maps are the key to finding my way home. Thank God for GPS. I know this may be a funny thought and far fetched, but I thought I should get into my car and have my own "Which Way is Home" find my family tour. It would just be me, my suitcases, and my music vibin as I run the outcomes of my reunion through my head. Hey, I have been practicing for a while how to announce myself upon arrival at her doorstep if I ever find her. Talk about a funky feeling inside.

Any-who, check out this Youtube video: Bonnie Somerville- "Winding Road". An adoptee tweet pal of mine, @missCwebb put me on to this. This song really hits it on the spot how we feel searching down a never ending winding path for the truth to our life story.

Let me know what you think....

Love,

Muzik

Dangerously Obese and Angry Adoptee Finds Happiness

2011-03-08T06:44:00.000-08:00

Did you get the chance to tune into the television program Heavy on A&E? If not, you missed the opportunity of meeting Johnny, a 20 year old Tempe, Arizona college student. And guess what? He is an adoptee! Heavy, is a docudrama that follows individuals that are facing life threating health consequences for 6 months documenting their transformation while they undergo weight loss treatment.

At an early age, Johnny began to hoard food as a way to cope with the abandonment of his biological mom that was battling a 14 year drug addiction and living a life style as a prostitute. Johnny was placed in Child Protective Services, and placed in the foster care system. This is when Johnny turned to food as an outlet for comfort. He felt that food was the only thing that would never leave him. At the age of 6, he was adopted by a family that felt he struggled to transition into their family and have that sense of "belongingness". Therefore, his adoptive family believed that his behavior problems stemmed from there. He was then placed in a military school.

While Johnny was working with a trainer, one of his workouts was a boxing drill. His trainer was yelling at him to dig deep inside and find out what makes him mad to increase his aggression and increase his power behind his punch. Johnny yelled "my biological mother"! The trainer asked him to repeat what he said and he again yelled "MY BIOLOGICAL MOTHER"! At that moment I could see the pain in his eyes and the pain behind all the punches he was throwing against the wall. That anger that is hiding deep inside many adoptees. Since losing weight and progressing through his treatment plan, Johnny decided to do a Google search on his family's last name and found his half brother Chris. He was able to reach them via phone and Chris answered the phone. Immediately Chris yelled out to his grandma, "Oh my god it's John-John"!

Johnny met with one of his treatment counselors and discussed how excited he was about his future, aiming to attend Johnson & Wales University. He confided in her explaining that for so long he was angry not knowing why he was abandoned by his biological mother, but since speaking with his biological family he has a better understanding and is not easily angered about the situation. His biological father told him that he thought he would be better off with another family.

To close the show, Johnny was eager to find out he was accepted into Johnson & Wales University, and was elated to take this new step in his life by force in better health. This was motivation for him. He lost 135.8lbs. and was eager to show his new body and confidence to his family and friends. After 15 years Johnny ends the show reuniting with his family. He said he was happy to be able to have both his adoptive and biological family together. He is excited about working on building his relationship with his biological family.

I could not have been more happier with the way this episode ended. Johnny's journey is real, it is the insecurities that we deal with as adoptees. Whether it be weight loss or weight gain. drugs, depression, etc. Johnny proves that we can all overcome our struggles. It takes time, it takes faith, it takes a team of people in your corner to get you to the next level. It can be done. Happiness begins within yourself first. I encourage you as an adoptee or foster child to aim high and write down your goals and what make you happy.

Remember, it is not where you been, but where you are going. You are beautiful/handsome in every way.

Best regards,

Jessenia Arias

Honestly Speaking

2011-03-07T07:51:00.000-08:00

As quoted by one of my all time favorite writers Brook Lynne Carter, "Loyalty Is Vintage".

I have been on the other side of the world in a whirlwind of thoughts. Thoughts that probably will take time to heal from, but it brought me to where I am today. It made me think of loyalty and what it really means these days, in these times. I have not had a "honestly speaking" adoptee moment in awhile. A recent situation triggered me to think about where loyalty lies and where it lives. It took me back to all the moments people have walked out of my life for reasons unknown after saying "we are family" or "we are in this together". First of all, when people tell me "we are family" I remind myself that they are really saying "we are like family" they just got choked up and left out the word "like". Heck we all forget a word or two right? So I cannot hold them accountable. Nothing seems to last forever and I struggle to form attachments to people or families. Most people are loyal to their families and do not walk away because they are bound by the bond of DNA or as commonly spoken "we are blood". Okay, so what happens when you are not connected by blood, where does that leave you? Where does that leave us adoptees? This can be a real nerve-racking issue for the brain and heart to deal with I swear. Not to mention when you have these thoughts when you have 50 million other things to think about. It is always when we are going through something upsetting in our lives that we revert to being adopted, abandoned, lost, etc. It always seems like someone is going to leave us someday and we are going to be alone. I have spoken to young adoptees that have been in foster care or adopted that have expressed abandonment. They spoke about their pregnancy and believing that they will now have a family of their own. These days, I understand how young teens get pregnant, they want to have someone that will be a part of them and will be there forever. After all, where I am from, most young teens come from broken families, unstable relationships, and unstable friendships. It seems so simple to do something like that even though that is definitely not the route to go. That is why when I speak at different functions I speak to young women reminding them to get in touch with themselves most importantly. We have to understand who we are and the fact that we do not have the power to control everything. We are allowed to have our moments when we are down, but we have to learn from them and rise again. Therefore I remind myself this is life. This is why I take so much time to work on myself. We have to know who we are to heal. I work hard on strengthening my backbone for situations as such. Most recently I have come back to getting my relationship with God back intact. I find peace when I pray and give all my problems to Him. I love the thought that something is not my battle but God's.

Be blessed,

Muzik

Foster Copter: Get Inspired.

2011-02-17T05:10:00.000-08:00

I am so glad I came across this inspirational story. I have come to points in my life that I get weak and need to be inspired from my peers especially those that are adopted or have been fostered. Peers that have been through trials and tribulation and continue to press on and persevere. Many times we have been through struggles and in the long run it will hold us back if we dwell on them. Its about building on them and finding the gift that lies behind it. There is beauty in a struggle if you look closely. Check out these two videos. Who will you inspire?

If you or someone you know that is an adoptee or has been in the foster care system has an inspirational story to share please email me or leave a comment. I would love to do a post on them.

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